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Dealing with conflict

NAS71674

I'm always hearing that autistic people don't like conflict. Who does? The question I want to ask is do other autistic just let others walk over them and just accept it or we generally stand up for ourselves when being treated unfairly? For me personally I know its not good to be in conflict (anxiety, stress, uncertainty about what could happen)  but I feel my sense of fairness over powers me and I tend to stand up for myself when getting walked over (which is quite often to be honest). 

  • I think this issue also comes down to NT people liking to play games with others and we generally don't do that. What you see is exactly what you get. I wonder what are the best strategies for us to use in these scenarios and how do we also reduce the likely who of this before it even starts?

  • Hate conflict. Yes, get walked all over. Being assertive is a mystery to me. Certainly one I need to work on.

  • I was passive-aggressive. But I am more cautious.

    "The price of Liberty is eternal vigilance!" (Thomas Jefferson)

  • in reply to Ben

    That's great to hear. I think this is a major problem all people with ASD experience and doesn't seem talked about much. For me its not so much winning but whats fair and just. If I deserved how I get treated I would accept it and change my behaviour,  but most of the time when I get bullied/abused its due to something like the other person is a narcissist/prejudice/just rotten and what drives me is not so much to win but to establish balance/and fairness and make sure that they are held accountable for their actions. Whether that is immediate or not depends on the circumstance. They immediately know I don't like them and have a problem with their actions. I never hide it I don't think I can its whether the rules or situation permits me to resolve the issue. I see people like that as sources of disorder and chaos in the environment, I guess allowing people like that to continue to cause disorder and chaos just invites more uncertainty into environments and I just can't have that. If I can't stop them I just leave the situation permanently.  

  • Through my life I've seen all sorts of unacceptable behaviours accepted as 'right' or 'normal' so if I am on the receiving end, I cannot judge if I'm at fault for not understanding - so yes, I tend to be walked all over and abused initially - until I can gather more evidence about the game that's being played.

  • Hello, Yes, I've learned to stand up for myself as I've got older. If I don't, I will regret it and beat myself up  for days, or weeks, or sometimes a great deal longer. If we let people get away with these attacks they will see us as weak and usually return to attack again, feeding off the kill, so to speak.  If you can stay calm, or at least appear calm, that will starve the little 'so and sos'. Then you win.

    Ben