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My husband is autistic - help

married to someone with autism.

Hi everyone. I realised my husband is autistic over two years ago. We have been married for 8 years and having finally realised what is wrong it makes the whole situation worse. I now see the autism in practically everything he says and does. The strange gait, different accents, catastrophising, negativity and the constant fear of doing wrong is some of the hundreds of things he lives with every day and as a result I do too. I struggle every day living with him, and many many things depress me but could any one shed any light on the following:

Why doesn't keep in contact with his son, brother and family or friends? He will speak to them if they contact him, but he will never ring them himself. His parents died years ago as well as his younger brother who was also autistic, and he never ever mentions them - no childhood memories, nothing. I was at the funeral after his father died and he showed no emotion at all. it's like when someone isn't present in front of him, they don't exist any more. I really find  it hard to cope with as I am completely family orientated! TIA

Parents

  • There is the possibility that he is not getting the stimulation he needs from his kids, friends, and family. When I am in a social environment, I have given up on socializing and simply bring a stim with me so I am still surrounding myself with friends and family; unless I have a family member or friend I know I can have a stimulating conversation with.

    I don't know what your husbands hobbies are that he gets to stim from. Let's say he stims from playing a video game on a Switch. Organizing an event where family and friends who play Mario Kart on the Switch would open his world to the people that are in his life. 

    Instead of trying to get him to part of our world, we engage in his world. The relationships will follow.

Reply

  • There is the possibility that he is not getting the stimulation he needs from his kids, friends, and family. When I am in a social environment, I have given up on socializing and simply bring a stim with me so I am still surrounding myself with friends and family; unless I have a family member or friend I know I can have a stimulating conversation with.

    I don't know what your husbands hobbies are that he gets to stim from. Let's say he stims from playing a video game on a Switch. Organizing an event where family and friends who play Mario Kart on the Switch would open his world to the people that are in his life. 

    Instead of trying to get him to part of our world, we engage in his world. The relationships will follow.

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