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My husband is autistic - help

married to someone with autism.

Hi everyone. I realised my husband is autistic over two years ago. We have been married for 8 years and having finally realised what is wrong it makes the whole situation worse. I now see the autism in practically everything he says and does. The strange gait, different accents, catastrophising, negativity and the constant fear of doing wrong is some of the hundreds of things he lives with every day and as a result I do too. I struggle every day living with him, and many many things depress me but could any one shed any light on the following:

Why doesn't keep in contact with his son, brother and family or friends? He will speak to them if they contact him, but he will never ring them himself. His parents died years ago as well as his younger brother who was also autistic, and he never ever mentions them - no childhood memories, nothing. I was at the funeral after his father died and he showed no emotion at all. it's like when someone isn't present in front of him, they don't exist any more. I really find  it hard to cope with as I am completely family orientated! TIA

Parents

  • i hardly ring my mum and dont contact my kids much either. At my dads funerals and other relatives funerals I have no emotion responses like those around me to the point I dont always want to go to funerals simply because i want to remember them as they were when they were alive.

    thats the bad side of my autism ( because not attending funerals can be seen as a snub )

    it looks like i dont care about my family but actually I do. 

    I am trying to improve but its slow progress.

    I think its because many autistics dont really like small talk. When I visit my mum, who can talk forever, I have to take breaks from her to stop me losing it mentally. I show my love by doing things for her eg cutting hedges, fixing broken devices, helping her with stuff. 

    She knows this probably already and always has stuff for me to do Slight smile we connect by "doing" which works for both of us.

    I dont think u are doing any harm telling him how to improve eg contacting his kids etc thats quite good of you  

    oh I remember all my relatives, not one is forgotten, in anyway. In fact I went into a research mode for 2 years and found relatives that had been totally forgotten in our family one which was an actual hero soldier !

    autistics are different, very different. Some of us, can be hard to work with, sometimes impossible.

    my advice would be to set up a Facebook account for u, and your husband then get his kids to do the same and other members of family as well --- I just found it an easy way to keep in contact. Also get him to try texting.

    some people glue families together  ,,,,, thats you Slight smile

    some people disappear out of families eg some autistics,  my family is riddled with such people who simply disappeared ( loose contact ) 

    So keep asking him direct question about his children - and if u find out info about them feed that information to him as an indirect way of indicating that he should be in contact more. I welcome such help/reminders. It just doesn't occur to me. But I do care about my family.

    I hope this helps even in a small way.

     

Reply

  • i hardly ring my mum and dont contact my kids much either. At my dads funerals and other relatives funerals I have no emotion responses like those around me to the point I dont always want to go to funerals simply because i want to remember them as they were when they were alive.

    thats the bad side of my autism ( because not attending funerals can be seen as a snub )

    it looks like i dont care about my family but actually I do. 

    I am trying to improve but its slow progress.

    I think its because many autistics dont really like small talk. When I visit my mum, who can talk forever, I have to take breaks from her to stop me losing it mentally. I show my love by doing things for her eg cutting hedges, fixing broken devices, helping her with stuff. 

    She knows this probably already and always has stuff for me to do Slight smile we connect by "doing" which works for both of us.

    I dont think u are doing any harm telling him how to improve eg contacting his kids etc thats quite good of you  

    oh I remember all my relatives, not one is forgotten, in anyway. In fact I went into a research mode for 2 years and found relatives that had been totally forgotten in our family one which was an actual hero soldier !

    autistics are different, very different. Some of us, can be hard to work with, sometimes impossible.

    my advice would be to set up a Facebook account for u, and your husband then get his kids to do the same and other members of family as well --- I just found it an easy way to keep in contact. Also get him to try texting.

    some people glue families together  ,,,,, thats you Slight smile

    some people disappear out of families eg some autistics,  my family is riddled with such people who simply disappeared ( loose contact ) 

    So keep asking him direct question about his children - and if u find out info about them feed that information to him as an indirect way of indicating that he should be in contact more. I welcome such help/reminders. It just doesn't occur to me. But I do care about my family.

    I hope this helps even in a small way.

     

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