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My husband is autistic - help

married to someone with autism.

Hi everyone. I realised my husband is autistic over two years ago. We have been married for 8 years and having finally realised what is wrong it makes the whole situation worse. I now see the autism in practically everything he says and does. The strange gait, different accents, catastrophising, negativity and the constant fear of doing wrong is some of the hundreds of things he lives with every day and as a result I do too. I struggle every day living with him, and many many things depress me but could any one shed any light on the following:

Why doesn't keep in contact with his son, brother and family or friends? He will speak to them if they contact him, but he will never ring them himself. His parents died years ago as well as his younger brother who was also autistic, and he never ever mentions them - no childhood memories, nothing. I was at the funeral after his father died and he showed no emotion at all. it's like when someone isn't present in front of him, they don't exist any more. I really find  it hard to cope with as I am completely family orientated! TIA

Parents

  • It sounds like relationship therapy could help! You were attracted to each other enough to get married. Perhaps you could both keep a small notebook each and write down what you admire and respect in the other. Some therapists seem to also suggest it's good to understand what my role and responsibilities are toward and with the other. A set of clear responsibilities with allowance to negotiate can help.

    As for family, if the brothers live close can you invite everyone round once a month? Game night? It's easier to do a thing with another sometimes than think of what to say. And all humans require a sort of community, some more frequent than others, so maybe work out what frequency would suit. The stress of doing things wrong seems like a main thing in need of care. That would be a good one to find books or guidance / proper advice and wisdom on how to grow beyond. 

Reply

  • It sounds like relationship therapy could help! You were attracted to each other enough to get married. Perhaps you could both keep a small notebook each and write down what you admire and respect in the other. Some therapists seem to also suggest it's good to understand what my role and responsibilities are toward and with the other. A set of clear responsibilities with allowance to negotiate can help.

    As for family, if the brothers live close can you invite everyone round once a month? Game night? It's easier to do a thing with another sometimes than think of what to say. And all humans require a sort of community, some more frequent than others, so maybe work out what frequency would suit. The stress of doing things wrong seems like a main thing in need of care. That would be a good one to find books or guidance / proper advice and wisdom on how to grow beyond. 

Children
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