My husband is autistic - help

Hi everyone. I realised my husband is autistic over two years ago. We have been married for 8 years and having finally realised what is wrong it makes the whole situation worse. I now see the autism in practically everything he says and does. The strange gait, different accents, catastrophising, negativity and the constant fear of doing wrong is some of the hundreds of things he lives with every day and as a result I do too. I struggle every day living with him, and many many things depress me but could any one shed any light on the following:

Why doesn't keep in contact with his son, brother and family or friends? He will speak to them if they contact him, but he will never ring them himself. His parents died years ago as well as his younger brother who was also autistic, and he never ever mentions them - no childhood memories, nothing. I was at the funeral after his father died and he showed no emotion at all. it's like when someone isn't present in front of him, they don't exist any more. I really find  it hard to cope with as I am completely family orientated! TIA

Parents
  • Do you have any relationship difficulties? I presume he has lived like this for the whole time you have been together, what makes it bother you now? 

    Expecting anyone to react the same as you, autistic or not, is never useful though. Everyone reacts differently to things. 

  • Just thinking about how he could be one of us saying help - my wife/husband ISN'T autistic. 

    I'm definitely seeing autism in a completely different way recently. Funny how autism is pitched as a problem so often, rather than the behaviour of people that aren't autistic. 

Reply
  • Just thinking about how he could be one of us saying help - my wife/husband ISN'T autistic. 

    I'm definitely seeing autism in a completely different way recently. Funny how autism is pitched as a problem so often, rather than the behaviour of people that aren't autistic. 

Children
  • I'm married for 30 years to an NT - it's been tricky.  Smiley   

    I think i survived because I'm a twin so from very early childhood I learned to accept the general sloppiness and crazyness of their existence - my twin brother (the 'correctly functioning version of me') was ok with the things that went on so, logically, i must be faulty and I adapted accordingly..    .   

    I build large allowances into my dealings with them because I know they can't help it.   Smiley