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My husband is autistic - help

married to someone with autism.

Hi everyone. I realised my husband is autistic over two years ago. We have been married for 8 years and having finally realised what is wrong it makes the whole situation worse. I now see the autism in practically everything he says and does. The strange gait, different accents, catastrophising, negativity and the constant fear of doing wrong is some of the hundreds of things he lives with every day and as a result I do too. I struggle every day living with him, and many many things depress me but could any one shed any light on the following:

Why doesn't keep in contact with his son, brother and family or friends? He will speak to them if they contact him, but he will never ring them himself. His parents died years ago as well as his younger brother who was also autistic, and he never ever mentions them - no childhood memories, nothing. I was at the funeral after his father died and he showed no emotion at all. it's like when someone isn't present in front of him, they don't exist any more. I really find  it hard to cope with as I am completely family orientated! TIA

Parents

  • You’re looking at the situation from YOUR perspective and not his. You don’t think or connect the same to situations or emotions etc, if you try and look at things in the way you would think, you’re going to end up frustrated. If he is autistic, he won’t think like you.. and that’s okay! He’s who he is and you can’t change that. It sounds like some research and education would help you feel a bit less alienated and also might help him to understand who he is in that respect and be okay with it. He’s not an alien, he’s just different from you and others perhaps. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. 

Reply

  • You’re looking at the situation from YOUR perspective and not his. You don’t think or connect the same to situations or emotions etc, if you try and look at things in the way you would think, you’re going to end up frustrated. If he is autistic, he won’t think like you.. and that’s okay! He’s who he is and you can’t change that. It sounds like some research and education would help you feel a bit less alienated and also might help him to understand who he is in that respect and be okay with it. He’s not an alien, he’s just different from you and others perhaps. That doesn’t mean it’s a bad thing. 

Children
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