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I'm leaving the forum soon, just saying fairwell! (Mark - Nichemarket)

Mark (NicheMarket)

Hey folks,

I'm taking a break from the forum. I'll stay on a little while to complete engaging with the threads I'm active in, but will try and avoid looking at new ones. So the plan is to taper down, for now at least.

It's been great. I've learnt so much, it's validated me in my version of autism, I've understood stuff, felt connected to people, helped me process things, and helped me see that there are other autists very similar to me.

I'm stepping back initially cos i was getting a bit addicted, especially being here in the morning before, instead of, going to work. And writing answers takes time, and in my aspie way i struggle to leave conversational threads unanswered. But I also seem to have been pathologising my autism a bit, and have got a bit overwhelmed by the quantity of insights. In a way a mark of the quality of engagement and input recently. I think I'm going to focus on the key aspects that affect me, my shutdowns, my difficulty with flirting and getting into relationships, and how I go about exhausting myself. I'm also finding lockdown has provoked a lot of thinking in me to deal with, and I'm seeing Mr Great Guy again quite regular and need to think and work that through instead of distracting myself.

Something I've done which I think some others do is to look out for posts in the previous days that haven't got an answer and to reply, just to help people be and feel included. I won't be doing that now so it'd make me happy if others of you looked out for that.

As I said, I'll still be here for a while, but wanted to say a proper goodbye rather than skulk off (like i do in NT world;>). It'll be sad not engaging with those I've got to know, I hope you all fair well in aspie life.

xx.mark

Parents

  • I wish you the very best in your time-out period but hope you don't stay away too long as you were one of the ones who stood-out for me when I first began reading the posts on here. I'm not the best writer or communicator and I have my problems like everyone else  ( my intentions are good but processing takes time on certain things ) but I think you communicate very well and have a lot to offer others on here and elsewhere. 

    There's no need to explain yourself, worry or self-doubt about anything on here or anywhere. We all have problems and can't face them alone entirely. " No man is an Island ".  We are social beings after all and wouldn't have survived thus far without helping or collaborating together. We need each other for survival !

    Mark (NicheMarket) said:
    I think I'm going to focus on the key aspects that affect me, my shutdowns, my difficulty with flirting and getting into relationships, and how I go about exhausting myself. I'm also finding lockdown has provoked a lot of thinking in me to deal with, and I'm seeing Mr Great Guy again quite regular and need to think and work that through instead of distracting myself.

    You can't control everything. Destroy that notion. You are not a machine that needs to be fixed by a mechanic. You don't need to figure everything out or every aspect of your life. Thinking has it's place in getting from A to B, going to work , catching a bus or to function as you'd like but over-thinking is an obsession or an unhealthy addiction rooted in fear and controlling everything. The intellect is only one tool in our tool box. It is not the real you. Thoughts come and go like clouds passing. Allow them. One day you believe this, the next day something else. They are not reliable or permanent. I'm not saying becoming the true you is easy but what I'm finding is that it's not about adding anything to yourself but subtracting all the nonsense you have been conditioned into thinking you have to do this or that before this or that. There is no one like you and there never will be again so be true to yourself. Just be you. 

    I'm going to leave this conversation on a high note and I'm going to recommend a movie you watch ( not something I normally do). The movie is called ' Toc Toc '  and has subtitles. I won't spoil it but I will ask you what the main theme of the movie is or the solutions. 

Reply

  • I wish you the very best in your time-out period but hope you don't stay away too long as you were one of the ones who stood-out for me when I first began reading the posts on here. I'm not the best writer or communicator and I have my problems like everyone else  ( my intentions are good but processing takes time on certain things ) but I think you communicate very well and have a lot to offer others on here and elsewhere. 

    There's no need to explain yourself, worry or self-doubt about anything on here or anywhere. We all have problems and can't face them alone entirely. " No man is an Island ".  We are social beings after all and wouldn't have survived thus far without helping or collaborating together. We need each other for survival !

    Mark (NicheMarket) said:
    I think I'm going to focus on the key aspects that affect me, my shutdowns, my difficulty with flirting and getting into relationships, and how I go about exhausting myself. I'm also finding lockdown has provoked a lot of thinking in me to deal with, and I'm seeing Mr Great Guy again quite regular and need to think and work that through instead of distracting myself.

    You can't control everything. Destroy that notion. You are not a machine that needs to be fixed by a mechanic. You don't need to figure everything out or every aspect of your life. Thinking has it's place in getting from A to B, going to work , catching a bus or to function as you'd like but over-thinking is an obsession or an unhealthy addiction rooted in fear and controlling everything. The intellect is only one tool in our tool box. It is not the real you. Thoughts come and go like clouds passing. Allow them. One day you believe this, the next day something else. They are not reliable or permanent. I'm not saying becoming the true you is easy but what I'm finding is that it's not about adding anything to yourself but subtracting all the nonsense you have been conditioned into thinking you have to do this or that before this or that. There is no one like you and there never will be again so be true to yourself. Just be you. 

    I'm going to leave this conversation on a high note and I'm going to recommend a movie you watch ( not something I normally do). The movie is called ' Toc Toc '  and has subtitles. I won't spoil it but I will ask you what the main theme of the movie is or the solutions. 

Children
  • in reply to Turtle

    Thanks for such a lenghty and considered comment, I appreciate it. And it's nice to know I had something to offer. I've often enjoyed and gained from your responses.

    You are right, I over think. It was a compensating mechanism but can sometimes get in the way, but i also accept that it is also me! I am looking forward to this next phase in life where i take knowledge of the aspie me out into everyday life, hopefully into a relationship, maybe with Mr Great Guy.

    I've made a note of the movie, I may waTch it with my lockdown buddy, I'm curious. Wishing you well too!