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Family issues with an autistic mother

NAS71663

My mother I suspect is on the autistic spectrum. She's in her 60s so has never been formally diagnosed but has many of the traits including rigid routines with major stress if they are deviated from, inflexibility of thought, almost obsessional interest in certain topics, not understanding jokes or sarcasm etc. but the most difficult one is an inability to recognise or understand anothers feelings or point of view. This has caused strife through my teenage years and I went through all the usual 'doesn't she love me' type questions and angst. Now happy and secure in myself I can see it for what it is but I'm struggling to communicate with her and we are growing further and further apart. This is especially heightened at the moment as my sister is pregnant and we can't have kids and she can't understand why I might be struggling with the news (she is well aware that we can't conceive just can't link that to what emotions we might be experiencing). Can anyone offer any tips on communication that might help?

Parents

  • Hi there, I'm really sorry to hear you've been having some difficulties. I was wondering what pace you speak to her at, is it an average talking pace? I have considerable difficulty with average pace of conversation, TV and podcasts, but when it's a bit slower, it's much, much easier to understand and build a picture. I'd suggest trying to speak to her much more slowly at about half the normal speed and leaving long pauses after sentences. Also I wonder if after a lifetime of having some sensory and linguistic trouble there may have been quite a lot of information she missed by accident, and so she might need a little more time now. Best wishes

Reply

  • Hi there, I'm really sorry to hear you've been having some difficulties. I was wondering what pace you speak to her at, is it an average talking pace? I have considerable difficulty with average pace of conversation, TV and podcasts, but when it's a bit slower, it's much, much easier to understand and build a picture. I'd suggest trying to speak to her much more slowly at about half the normal speed and leaving long pauses after sentences. Also I wonder if after a lifetime of having some sensory and linguistic trouble there may have been quite a lot of information she missed by accident, and so she might need a little more time now. Best wishes

Children
  • in reply to Rach

    Hi Rach, 

    So I speak to her at normal pace but give her a small piece of information to think about then come back to her a few days later which seems to work well for more general discussions. Its more the phraseology needed for her to understand feelings that are outside of what she herself experiences. Her thought process is, a baby is a good thing, everyone will be happy. I appreciate I may not be able to deviate her from that train of thought but for my own mental health I at least need to try.