If you identify it would be helpful if you could state your age as I rarely find people my own age on these kinds of forums. In no way do I mean to invalidate or demean young adults and I am happy to hear from anyone. It's just that it means more to me to when dealing on the topic of older adults to also get response from older adults.
I really don't know where to start. I've been around a LOT of different mental health forums over the years; longer than the age of some younger ones here. When modems used to be wired to the computer and ring like a hundred bells all at once. I've never really been understood in those depression, social phobia and anxiety forums. Although I make a good effort with readability (minus a few missing letters & words) my paragraph structure and need for more words most likely does not help. Other factors that relate to age could be culture difference as I tended not to integrate way back in the past let alone with each passing decade. I'm someone that has always felt they are living out of time or yearn for the older and simpler ways of living. My past has also been hardcore. I've seen a lot of younger people take their lives + lost family on that score, have seen homeless people dead in the street where I use to sleep back in the 80s, history of multiple juvenile detentions as well as adult incarcerations, drug rehabilitations, foster homes ← →child sexual exploitation and later male prostitution. Religion also played a large role in being abused and the amount of schizophrenia I have seen tied to relgion was quite high. My dearly departed brother included.
I was not always the victim. I also did a lot of bad things and responsible for hurting others. I am pleased to say those days are gone. I just did what I had to do in order to survive those times.
Forgive me if that sounds like too much info. I did leave out a lot and being mindful not to trigger others. It's hard when moderators change your words. Sometimes just saying I am a hard core complex case does not do my history justice or come anywhere close to having me understood. At any rate the above pretty much accounts for most of my PTSD as well as the 'chronic' 'complex' tags that were added. That said last year I was attacked by an X-military guy whom run into my car and then road raged me with a pick axe. That incident has since muddled that waters in terms of my social phobia being upscaled into full blown agoraphobia. Moreover in defining how it is that my less than favorite ASD traits have worsened.
This finally brings me to the point where I am now considering how it is that the disabling predispositions I struggle with are becoming more visible and challenging. Allow me to clarify that I have an adult diagnosis of ASD done by a physiatrist regardless of PTSD, ADHD and a number of other labels attributed to me. In fact it is only now that I am receiving appropriate supports for the first time in like forever. The latter point here really is the crux or my story and as much as I don't want to identify with any part of it, it is currently who I be. I would never of picked being Autistic but it does seem to account for a lot of things in my childhood before my sorry sad story to grip. I have a 6 year old grandson who is level 2 ASD and already receiving disability funding. The little guy lives with my wife and I to which we have been entrusted as his parents whilst his mother, my youngest daughter, also lives with us. She is currently undergoing ASD assessment as seeming fits the bill. My youngest boy was investigated for Asperger's when he was at school. Must be something in the water I guess.
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I'm getting pushed for time here and don't want to have to do this later. So this might seemed rushed.
Whilst my grandson is thriving in our care with many supports that my wife does such a great job liaisoning and I too have many supports that also help with this, I am just wishing to acknowledge that my stuttering is becoming more pronounced in sensory situations. I mean not aggravated situations (although frustration can play a part) but more anything of great importance or concern to me I start to get flustered more on a cognitive level these days. Part of my stuttering is not only speed related to my speech but I forget word of basic every day things as well as peoples names. I still get them, but just painting the picture of how noticeably I can suddenly appear more 'special needs' than at other times where I feel less stressed I am seemingly normal. That aspect is becoming a lot more prominent. It's not just the memory thing as I have not been labeled with dementia but for me I am thinking about the little movements that take me over during my flustered moments. I seem to have more involuntary behaviors making me more visibly affected. Again I am not talking about outbursts here and I am being careful not to have myself seen as a risk. Is not about that. It's all internal with varioius ASD traits known to me that are simply becoming more prominent over time ... a long time. I am sure level of stress has a lot to do with as well ... but more so as built up over time which is why I have entitles as so.
I really wish I have more time right now as I have to move on lest I get flustered re my routine. Chuckles ... more like laughs out loud with that thought.
Forgive me for taking so long to get to my point and I can tell the end was rushed. I guess it needs to be a discussion and I will most likely struggle reading others. I have a therapist and been receiving such help full time for 8+ year now. I got a good knowledge of the ins and outs. I guess I am lonely is all. Is hard for me to find people that understand my hard core nature and the complexities that it brings. That said I am open to anyone as the you don't have to have the same level of suffering to understand what trauma and impact is. I was just trying to explain my situation in terms of why I am feeling isolated in miss understood.
I best get on with my day. Thanks for listening. I am 52 years of age. Understand if you don't want to say your age. Stress is stress - it is all relevant.