So what I hate is being seen as someone with autism. By that I mean someone who people are obligated to hang out with, vs someone people want to hang out with. I cannot go 6 months without making those ideal friendships I want, and then make a mistake related to my autism. Am I doomed for this to keep happening for the rest of my life?
Hi, NAS: 
I’m so glad you shared your post with us and that we can provide reassurance. I am 23 years older than you and I want to reassure you that no, this will not keep happening for the rest of your life, at least based on my experience. The caveat is, you have to want it to change and then take some concrete steps to help it change, which I will suggest below.
I found that by the time I was in my late 20s and early 30s, I had learned a great deal about social interaction and what to do, and I didn’t make the same mistakes that I did previously.
I use the word “mistakes“ advisedly, and what I mean by that is just that I had been completely showing my autism and not understanding that I really did need to mask and camouflage in order to have the social interactions I wanted.
Over time, without yet knowing I was autistic, I just learned to watch what people around me did, and behave like they did. That caused my social interactions to unfold more easily without the problems I have experienced earlier. I had more success in my social life, including dating and establishing and maintaining romantic relationships.
The benefit you have is that you are young and you are already here on this website, knowing you have autism. That means you don’t need to wait until your late 20s or early 30s, should you choose to make a concerted effort to improve things for yourself socially now.
Whether you choose to mask and camouflage in order to have more social success is completely up to you, and of course doing those things is exhausting. That being said, I found that over time masking and camouflaging became easier, and almost like second nature, so doing those things wasn’t as exhausting as it initially was.
I have found the easiest way to mask and camouflage in social situations is literally to copy what I see the people around me doing. I’ve also learned to either be more outgoing and talkative, or to decide to be quieter during the social gathering, and let other people be in that role.
In the latter role I am much more comfortable, and I increasingly do that in social situations. (Now that I have my diagnosis and my family and friends know I am autistic, they are far more comfortable with this, understanding it better.) I’m not so good at finding the middle ground, so I just try to read the room, see what other people are doing, and then choose the role I’m going to play.
… If non-autistic people are reading this, yes, I just said, “the role I’m going to play”. That’s what some of us with autism do when we are somehow socially obligated to attend a party and we want to mask and camouflage. I think in particular of weddings… they are brutal for me.
If you can find a trusted friend or two or family member to talk to, you can ask them what to do in social situations. Or you can contact any of us on here, and I’m sure there are many of us, including me, who will be pleased to help you, including in one on one, direct message exchanges.
We are behind you on this site and you’ve got this! I believe in you and I’m sure this is going to go better and better for you!
I hope other people on this forum will join in and make caring and time tested suggestions for you here! There is a lot of wisdom and caring on this site.
Elizabeth
