Published on 12, July, 2020
Has anyone who has been here a long time got an answer to this question? We all obviously come here for a reason, but how often does it turn out that it ISN'T autism-related?
I'm planning on disclosing to my employer on Thursday that I am awaiting an assessment and explaining some of the difficulties that I have. I know some people disagree with this approach but I have a challenging and unpredictable job and I've just changed employer, and I feel like I need support from the earliest opportunity even if I'm wrong and my needs are anxiety-related rather than autism.
I am prepared for the fact that I may have quite a wait until I am assessed so it is going to be in the back if my mind that they may consciously or subconsciously treat me differently and then I don't get the outcome I expect. I don't want to feel like a fraud.
Interested in any thoughts people have about this.
Deepthought
Sorry for the delayed response your message. I am having some functional issues with the website which are making it difficult to use both on my phone and laptop.
You are very right - I am not seeking to intentionally mislead anyone so I should not worry about this. I had not thought of it that way, and you are also right that whatever the outcome, the anxiety that I experience is disabling in its own right, whatever the cause of it that there may be.
The idea of 'dropping the mask' is something I think I need to really take in and put into practice. I think the masking and mirroring is really the reason why I feel so fraudulent to begin with. It is overwhelming to discover autism may be the reason life has been the way it is and then get to work reframing different events and aspects of yourself. I feel fake because now I am seeing myself differently, and it concerns me that I could do all that work reframing things to make more sense, and if not diagnosed then that sense of understanding could be lost again. I've never understood myself better than I feel I do right now, when I am able to see myself as an autistic woman. I feel that whilst I am anxious to share this newfound part of myself with others, I also feel strongly like it should be a key part of my identity and not something I should hide.
I haven't had my meeting with my supervisor yet as it was rearranged for Wednesday. I still plan on disclosing to her that I am waiting for assessment. My main worry is that she will respond as I know many people do, with 'oh I think we are all a bit autistic' or something like that to minimise how huge an issue this moment will be for me. For me I don't feel a little bit autistic. I feel disabled by the world around me as a result of my difficulties with fitting in and following expectations. It dominates my life to feel the way I feel. I'm not sure I'd be able to explain that without getting emotional though.
Hi,
There are so many points here that resonate with me right now. May I just pass on two things that hopefully cannot possibly hurt (just in case I do not in fact have ASD and hence am totally not in a place to be doling out advice / engaging - I want to chat with everybody but I fear a big misstep)
1. When I had a really bad, deep event and breakdown, I accidentally allowed my manager to dismiss it as a 'cry for help' and this really cut me down. A lot of focus on them not having the faintest insight, not being faintly medical, them protecting their own heads was needed to move on. I should have maybe gone beserk on the spot and rejected it but for me that's never the way things happen. Being aware in advance rather than getting blindsided would have helped.
2. I have just finished writing a list of 'pre-conditions' - for want of a better word - in anticipation of having therapy sessions or assessment 'without the mask'. I've let myself get burned before and not going to allow it again. I think professionals would get it - and maybe already know it all. Mine is a list of familiar things like:>Please don't interrupt if you can avoid it.
>Don't nod and pretend to understand, just ask - it's much less of a problem.
>I might swear accidentally - can we just agree in advance to ignore it rather than me stumbling
Whatever things you know will put you off your stride - ask them to help you not have to think about,
It felt really weak and really strange to be writing it all out but I am sure that I could walk in feeling that bit less vulnerable and that bit less guarded.
This is very useful because whilst I have been writing things down to help me in my eventual assessment, I haven't give much thought to how I will have this conversation with my supervisor. I've been feeling really anxious for the past few days because this meeting has been rescheduled and now I've been anticipating this discussion for far too long.