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Talking is overwhelming

NAS71432

Hi all

do you find that 90% of conversations are pointless?

Especially social chit chat. I find it so exhausting. If I could go into a workplace where people could be calm and chilled and not feel the need to make conversation or impress, I think I’d enjoy that. I just feel the need to ‘perform’ quite a bit. I’m a pretty contented person really and don’t need to babble endlessly! Anyone relate?

  • Yep. More silence the better. Unless it's to get information to work better or solve a problem.

    My team has several meetings a week on MS teams and there's a lot of social chit-chat going back and forth. I just tune out. People ringing just for a chat (apparently that's a thing) I don't get.

    I wasn't a huge fan of working in the office. I enjoyed the dynamics on those rare occasions we got together and resolved things but all that social stuff, what-did-you-get-up-to-at-the-weekend-type questions is like fingers down a blackboard. I've learned to ask the question -I just struggle to get interested in the answer. 

    Factual stuff, topical things - now that I could tune into. But only if it didn't distract me from work for too long. 

  • A good day for me is one where I'm left to myself. I find chit chat pointless, and exhausting.

  • most people seem to enjoy babbling endlessly, about the most pointless of topics. i guess one aspect of asd might be this need to get to the bottom of things, to seek out better things, this relentless search. this seems at opposition to gossiping about the latest new tv show or dumb movie

    there are also disorders that some aspies have... auditory processing disorders, sensitivities, adhd, etc... go down the list. and i am. i am preetty sure i have an auditory processing issue.  that means processing what people say can be extremely difficult and taxing.

    so, yes, conversation can be hard, for various reasons. especially the typical pointless babbling that NT's seem to enjoy and expect.

  • Well, to me workplace talk is a social / hierarchical exercise, which creates smaller tribes in the larger culture for hierarchical security and advancement. You need to understand the purpose for it to make any sense. Trust me - I found the hard way. The truth is not welcome in many workplaces - especially those run with bureaucracy. Unfortunately, my past reaction to this, has been to counteract and make numerous implicit and explicit efforts to display the faulty arguments of others - especially managers. So as you can imagine I've not been popular with everyone. Especially the managers. 

    However, when I talk to someone I can connect with - a fellow neuro-divergent person - I LOVE to talk. About everything. 

    So for me it is all about context and purpose. I want to connect. And I do not thrive in politics - it's way to complicated for me.

  • I prefer talking to cats rather than fellow human beings.

    It maybe pointless chitchat, but the cat understands. And provides a  positive response through purring.

  • I totally get this. It's one of the reasons I became self employed and work on my own most of the time. Even at home though my partner wants to go out and meet "friends" and I just don't get it. I usually come home thinking of all the things I could have got done in the garden rather than taking absolute nonsense!

    Obviously I'm talking about pre Covid restrictions time!!!

  • in reply to NAS71377

    Yes. Me too. I once went on a ten day silent meditation retreat it was really nice, my other senses were so heightened though it felt otherworldly.

  • I love not talking... Talking exhausts me.