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Transition to uni

NAS71279

Hi, I only found this forum last night and already feeling some relief and not so hopeless. 

Our 17 year old daughter got diagnosed with ASD in July 2020 after a number of years of ‘ wanting to die’ voices in her head and the usual not many friends.  I wrongly assumed the diagnosis would of gained us some concrete help and support.  I would have said Aspergers but got told that it’s now all ASD 

She is a very bright, funny, sensitive and beautiful young lady who amazes us every day with her strength.  A model well behaved child/baby. 

She has had 4 offers from gold standard universities, ready for sept 2021  most of which are 3/4 hours away.  Even though we will miss her dreadfully we want very much for the world to be her oyster.  But I am struggling with the fact it would be quite far away when she has an episode of sadness, no motivation and feelings of not being able to go on which happen from time to time. We have had no offers of support , her counsellor has stopped her meetings as ‘ she seems fine’ but really my daughter has never told any of them how she really feels ( I presuming she is masking).  So understandably you can’t help someone who won’t talk or open up. None of whom have been ASD trained. But I thought after her diagnosis she would have had the correct professional support. 

I don’t know where to turn as she will be leaving school in the next few months and really out of the loop then.  Does anyone know where to turn for the support for her to progress onto the next stage of her independence?  What I would ideally like is to find out what her triggers are and to give her the tools to be able to self soothe when her dad and I are not around. And also be able to learn more about empathy and the like to be able to have meaningful relationships as she gets older. Thank you.

Parents

  • Hey!

    A few years ago, I was in the same position as your daughter, I was off to uni and the transition was a little daunting. My mum was very apprehensive about it all. However, here are some tips/tricks which I hope will help/put your mind at rest;

    DSA - when applying for university, there is the option to apply for Disabled Students Allowance, this is extra funding which can be used for extra tutoring/mentoring sessions or even counselling sessions (all provided through the university). There are many forms to fill in and they can be confusing at times, but 100% worth the time, they really get you the help you rightly deserved. I used my DSA for extra tutoring sessions, study skills classes and weekly counselling. On the form, obviously mention the ASD diagnosis and include evidence - with this information the university should assign the best people for the situation (i.e. someone who has experience/an understanding of ASD).

    Planning - As I am sure you are aware, the more planning and preparation which is put in place, the easier the overall transition to uni will be. When you are able to (totally aware of the current difficulties due to lockdown), make sure to travel to the uni as many times as possible, make yourselves familiar with the new city. For example, make sure your daughter knows where her accommodation is, in relation to; the local supermarket, shops, train stations/bus stops and of course, the university itself/where her lectures will occur.

    Contact - Throughout the whole 3 years of uni, I always stayed in contact with my Mum, whether this was a daily phone call, via WhatsApp or FaceTime. The best thing about technology is it enables us all to stay connected, despite how far away from home we may be. I am sure your daughter will know that she can call/contact you anytime, but reiterate this to her as she may be feel that because she is off to uni, she is expected to manage/cope with everything on her own.

    These are the 3 main ideas I can think of currently but just an additional comment, from personal experiences. University is an amazing experience, you meet some of the best/most genuine people ever. Of course your daughter is there to study and attain her degree but there is a whole lot more to uni life. University is about developing as an individual, independence and the start of becoming the person you really are. There will be days where she will hate it and want to quit or want to come home, and that's okay - totally normal. The first few weeks, or even the 1st semester will feel confusing and be a massive learning curve but if she remembers that everyone is in the same boat (i.e. a new experience), this makes things seem much more manageable. Finally, most importantly, ensure your daughter stays true to herself, follows her own values and does exactly as she wants - don't let people around her influence her down the wrong path. I am sure she will love uni and as parents, you will be amazed to see the changes/progression in your daughter. My mum was amazed! I hope this helps and I wish the best of luck to your daughter and university Slight smile

Reply

  • Hey!

    A few years ago, I was in the same position as your daughter, I was off to uni and the transition was a little daunting. My mum was very apprehensive about it all. However, here are some tips/tricks which I hope will help/put your mind at rest;

    DSA - when applying for university, there is the option to apply for Disabled Students Allowance, this is extra funding which can be used for extra tutoring/mentoring sessions or even counselling sessions (all provided through the university). There are many forms to fill in and they can be confusing at times, but 100% worth the time, they really get you the help you rightly deserved. I used my DSA for extra tutoring sessions, study skills classes and weekly counselling. On the form, obviously mention the ASD diagnosis and include evidence - with this information the university should assign the best people for the situation (i.e. someone who has experience/an understanding of ASD).

    Planning - As I am sure you are aware, the more planning and preparation which is put in place, the easier the overall transition to uni will be. When you are able to (totally aware of the current difficulties due to lockdown), make sure to travel to the uni as many times as possible, make yourselves familiar with the new city. For example, make sure your daughter knows where her accommodation is, in relation to; the local supermarket, shops, train stations/bus stops and of course, the university itself/where her lectures will occur.

    Contact - Throughout the whole 3 years of uni, I always stayed in contact with my Mum, whether this was a daily phone call, via WhatsApp or FaceTime. The best thing about technology is it enables us all to stay connected, despite how far away from home we may be. I am sure your daughter will know that she can call/contact you anytime, but reiterate this to her as she may be feel that because she is off to uni, she is expected to manage/cope with everything on her own.

    These are the 3 main ideas I can think of currently but just an additional comment, from personal experiences. University is an amazing experience, you meet some of the best/most genuine people ever. Of course your daughter is there to study and attain her degree but there is a whole lot more to uni life. University is about developing as an individual, independence and the start of becoming the person you really are. There will be days where she will hate it and want to quit or want to come home, and that's okay - totally normal. The first few weeks, or even the 1st semester will feel confusing and be a massive learning curve but if she remembers that everyone is in the same boat (i.e. a new experience), this makes things seem much more manageable. Finally, most importantly, ensure your daughter stays true to herself, follows her own values and does exactly as she wants - don't let people around her influence her down the wrong path. I am sure she will love uni and as parents, you will be amazed to see the changes/progression in your daughter. My mum was amazed! I hope this helps and I wish the best of luck to your daughter and university Slight smile

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