Tolerance of other half diminishing

My other half is getting less and less tolerant of me and our autistic child.

In anger he says things like he just wants to be left alone (not easy in a lockdown) , he wishes he wasn't the only NT in the house, my diagnosis means I will never get better, I never mean to upset him but I always do,  he can't handle us both talking at once, I can't use autism as an excuse etc. 

Every time we fall out he turns it back to me and it is always my fault. He can talk down to me sometimes as if he is teaching me like a child. 

I can't tell when he is getting angry and so sometimes he will suddenly blow and shout and storm out the house. Usually it blows over and he is fine the next day but I am left constantly walking on eggshells wondering what I will do to upset him next. 

Sometimes he is great and patient with our child and then sometimes he can't tolerate his noises or his incessant talking or his constant movement.  Nothing has changed about how our child acts but his tolerance of it has decreased. 

I just don't know what to do. 

Parents
  • I'd suggest he's in mourning and can't process it.     He's realising just how much his life will not be the one he had expected or dreamed about.    He's probably realising his child will not be 'normal' and take the usual path through life and may be  huge responsibility for him right into old age.

    There may be a huge conflict going on in his head about being a man and standing by his responsibilities and being an a-hole and walking away and restarting his life - but he probably knows that would financially cripple him so he will feel trapped and resentful.

    Every year that goes by, his realisation of his probable future gets more solid and he may not be able to accept it - a 'Why me?' time.

    Does he get hassle from his family about you and your child?     His life may be a real psychological nightmare for him and you're seeing the leakage that he can't control.

Reply
  • I'd suggest he's in mourning and can't process it.     He's realising just how much his life will not be the one he had expected or dreamed about.    He's probably realising his child will not be 'normal' and take the usual path through life and may be  huge responsibility for him right into old age.

    There may be a huge conflict going on in his head about being a man and standing by his responsibilities and being an a-hole and walking away and restarting his life - but he probably knows that would financially cripple him so he will feel trapped and resentful.

    Every year that goes by, his realisation of his probable future gets more solid and he may not be able to accept it - a 'Why me?' time.

    Does he get hassle from his family about you and your child?     His life may be a real psychological nightmare for him and you're seeing the leakage that he can't control.

Children