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Did you think things had feelings?

Mark (NicheMarket)

As a child did you think 'things's had feelings?

Like toy cars, buildings, roads, plants, cups, etc?

I keep reading how child autists see people as inanimate objects. But I'm unsure if that's true. I was terrified/bewildered by new people, but also I felt objects were animate and had feelings. So in a room with people it seemed fair I gave attention to the ignored. It's also why I felt some days we had to go on a certain road, because it wasn't fair to ignore it, or maybe if we always used one road it won't be upsetting for it if we used a different road. When I stimmed, I had to finish my stim before answering someone because it wouldn't be fair on the parts I hadn't done, and it was too much to stim and answer.

I can still sometimes feel bad when I get rid of something, that it'll now it's unloved. Is that why some of us hoard?

Is this a being a kid thing? Or an autism thing? Or me? I feel it's not that I lacked empathy, it's that it extended to everything and so dividing my empathy up meant there wasn't much for humans.

Parents

  • Yes, I can relate to this experience. When I was 3, our car was struck by a tree and had to be written off - I was so distressed by this, I remember being afraid to touch the dent in the car, somehow convinced that it would hurt me. My logic was that the car was hurt, and that hurt was somehow contagious. I was incredibly careful with all of my possessions - while other children seemed to break or lose toys, I kept everything impossibly neat and safe because I would feel bad for things if they were lost or damaged. Around 30 years ago, I was bought a Barbie dining set with 28 tiny pieces and to this day I still own the full set.

    This feeling was more intense around anything depicting an animal. At 15, I was on my way to school when I found a large canvas print of a puppy and a kitten sitting with the rubbish at the side of the road. I was so distressed by this that I couldn't force myself to forget it and continue to school, and I eventually turned back, "rescued" the print from the rubbish, and turned up on my doorstep in tears because "I couldn't let them throw it away". My dad cleaned the print up, and to this day it is still hanging in the spare room at my parents' house.

    I've learned to manage these kinds of emotions over the years, but I occasionally still feel this slight... stab of hurt for things that get thrown out when they are still functional. I know it's irrational, but it can take me a while to get that emotional part of my brain on board with the fact that sometimes things have to go. I replaced my computer monitor recently, and the old one sat in the corner of the living room for months because I didn't know what to do with it. It was too old to be compatible with a new computer, and eventually my partner coaxed me into taking it to the recycling. I reconciled the feelings of discomfort by telling myself it will be recycled to make more useful things, and by 'thanking' the monitor for all its work over the years.

    I feel very silly at times to have to do these things, but while the feelings of discomfort I get are not that intense, these coping techniques empower me to do the tasks that need to be done. I know that such sentiments could easily lead to a hoarding disorder (something I have seen play out with relatives) and so I would rather manage the feelings of discomfort and have a more ordered home than keep everything and live in chaos. 

  • in reply to Rosie

    Thanks for adding such a full reply. It's given me a bit of confidence, or at least impulse, to talk to one of my mates about this. He's undiagnosed AS and hoards and I've started to wonder if he might feel similarly.

Reply Children
  • in reply to Rosie

    Thanks for that, I'll save it somewhere.

    I'll def go gentle with him. For now he doesn't think there's a problem, even revels in it as part of his contrarian identity. I'm curious though if he anthropormophises objects like me. (I've only heard that word used wrt animals.)

  • in reply to Mark (NicheMarket)

    Glad to be of help! Hoarding can be a very tricky issue to tackle. I've helped 2 friends clear a hoard, and 1 has since relapsed and only recently reached out for help again. Often people will be in denial, and if pushed by circumstances (threat of eviction for example) they might deal with the hoard itself only to re-hoard once the threat is gone. The hoarding behaviour is often a reaction to past trauma, particularly relating to loss.

    I was fortunate enough to train with Clouds End as part of my work in mental health, so I had some info going in. Generally speaking, there are 3 components to hoarding:

    1) The acquisition of objects
    2) Attachment to the objects and not wanting to throw them out
    3) Struggling with organising objects to manage a cleanup, even when they choose to discard items

    I can see the anthropomorphism of objects as playing a part in both 1 and 2 - buying the last item on the shelf because "I felt sorry for it!" and then also not wanting to throw it out because it feels "cruel" to do so.

    If your friend is open to help, acknowledging those feelings might be helpful on his journey. It's not easy and I've seen the very real struggle faced by those trying to clear their hoard and deal with associated emotions. I'm very lucky in that I only deal with these emotions on the low end of the scale, but someone with hoarding compulsion may well feel a very intense loss when objects are discarded. Proceed with care, and best of luck on your quest! I hope you are able to help your friend. Do feel free to ask any further questions - I have my 'mental health worker' hat on now and am happy to help!