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Did you think things had feelings?

Mark (NicheMarket)

As a child did you think 'things's had feelings?

Like toy cars, buildings, roads, plants, cups, etc?

I keep reading how child autists see people as inanimate objects. But I'm unsure if that's true. I was terrified/bewildered by new people, but also I felt objects were animate and had feelings. So in a room with people it seemed fair I gave attention to the ignored. It's also why I felt some days we had to go on a certain road, because it wasn't fair to ignore it, or maybe if we always used one road it won't be upsetting for it if we used a different road. When I stimmed, I had to finish my stim before answering someone because it wouldn't be fair on the parts I hadn't done, and it was too much to stim and answer.

I can still sometimes feel bad when I get rid of something, that it'll now it's unloved. Is that why some of us hoard?

Is this a being a kid thing? Or an autism thing? Or me? I feel it's not that I lacked empathy, it's that it extended to everything and so dividing my empathy up meant there wasn't much for humans.

Parents

  • Yes, I can relate to this experience. When I was 3, our car was struck by a tree and had to be written off - I was so distressed by this, I remember being afraid to touch the dent in the car, somehow convinced that it would hurt me. My logic was that the car was hurt, and that hurt was somehow contagious. I was incredibly careful with all of my possessions - while other children seemed to break or lose toys, I kept everything impossibly neat and safe because I would feel bad for things if they were lost or damaged. Around 30 years ago, I was bought a Barbie dining set with 28 tiny pieces and to this day I still own the full set.

    This feeling was more intense around anything depicting an animal. At 15, I was on my way to school when I found a large canvas print of a puppy and a kitten sitting with the rubbish at the side of the road. I was so distressed by this that I couldn't force myself to forget it and continue to school, and I eventually turned back, "rescued" the print from the rubbish, and turned up on my doorstep in tears because "I couldn't let them throw it away". My dad cleaned the print up, and to this day it is still hanging in the spare room at my parents' house.

    I've learned to manage these kinds of emotions over the years, but I occasionally still feel this slight... stab of hurt for things that get thrown out when they are still functional. I know it's irrational, but it can take me a while to get that emotional part of my brain on board with the fact that sometimes things have to go. I replaced my computer monitor recently, and the old one sat in the corner of the living room for months because I didn't know what to do with it. It was too old to be compatible with a new computer, and eventually my partner coaxed me into taking it to the recycling. I reconciled the feelings of discomfort by telling myself it will be recycled to make more useful things, and by 'thanking' the monitor for all its work over the years.

    I feel very silly at times to have to do these things, but while the feelings of discomfort I get are not that intense, these coping techniques empower me to do the tasks that need to be done. I know that such sentiments could easily lead to a hoarding disorder (something I have seen play out with relatives) and so I would rather manage the feelings of discomfort and have a more ordered home than keep everything and live in chaos. 

  • in reply to Rosie

    I believe u are new - so Welcome Slight smile

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