Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone,
I hope you're well. I'm writing here because I don't know what to think anymore of my situation...
I've been in a relationship with this guy for about 2-3 years now. I've suspected early on he might be autistic and got more and more convinced about it overtime. We've spent the past year living together and I'm almost certain he's on the autism spectrum with possibly ADHD as well.
But he doesn't want to believe it or even consider it. We've had very bad fights in the past on the matter where we stopped talking for months. He would say I'm obsessed about fixing problems and to stop bringing it up. When I point out his symptoms, he either stays quiet or excuse it by saying it's his personality.
[Edited because realised after posting/from replies that my message was offensive. Apologies.]
I sometimes get tired about his atypical behaviour and caring for it, and mostly the fact that he doesn't want to aknowledge his peculiar difference. Even though he can openly talk about his suffering from typical autistic traits, he doesn't want to hear anything about health and especially mental health. He prefers to mask and cope in denial rather than admitting there might be a bigger situation at play.
So, I don't know. Has anyone lived through a similar situation here?
We love each other, but some days I'm just not sure I want to be stuck with his denial and the possible health complications it can involve forever...
Thanks in advance for reading and for any help or insight you might provide.
[Edit: rewrote some parts, as I wrote this too carelessly and was inadvertently hurtful. My most sincere apologies.]
It's really, really not recommended to go around telling people (adults anyway) they are autistic even if you are convinced they are, it's a really personal thing to realise about yourself when not diagnosed as a child and I think your approach to this is only going to end up pushing that realisation further away. It sounds like you're more concerned with how this all affects you than him, just from your writing here, if he doesn't want support with any of these issues then you cannot force it to make your own life easier. You can absolutely draw your own boundaries of what you're comfortable supporting and helping with though, you would need to be really clear about that and stick to it, if he manages to find other ways of coping then great, if he *then* wants to seek support then also great. A lot of these things will not change with a diagnosis anyway, so I would say the better course would be to understand each other better, and really listen to how he explains the coping strategies and reasons why he chooses to cope these ways without the underlying assumption of him being autistic, after all, every autistic person is different anyways so although a diagnosis can help (for those who desire it) the best way to go about understanding anyone on the spectrum anyway is listening and having a tailored approach, just like any other person really. I know you probably think it's best for him to "admit it" and get support for these issues (are they even all issues to him?) it's likely doing more harm than good to keep pushing when he obviously isn't ready to acknowledge the possibility, or may just be content with how life is currently or just hasn't the energy to sit and really think about it for whatever reason, if he is autistic I imagine these exchanges between you and your (seemingly) constant frustration with things he does everyday is really exhausting for him and he may just not have the mental energy to sit and reflect on these things