Published on 12, July, 2020
I've had mixed responses from:
You are so brave, well done for asking for support (friend/colleague who has child and brother who are autistic)
You seem to just want to be autistic and you are looking for things to fit into it (husband)
Everyone has some autistic traits (other friend)
Outright ignored my messages about it completely (best friend)
Maybe I'm autistic too (not sure if being sarcastic or not, she has had issues with me telling her I suffer with anxiety in the past) (my mum)
I mainly want support with work-related issues if I am autistic. Maybe my parenting too as I'm struggling with that in some ways (listening to my children speaking and showing them enough affection).
I'm really tired since I spoke to my GP last week. I feel like it is all I can think about and I'm scared of waiting a long time for assessment just to then be told I'm wrong. Online tests that I've done so far suggest I am likely to be autistic but are they reliable?!
Yeah, it is amazing how varying responses you can get from letting people know who you really are.
My dad won't acknowledge it and has let my mom know that he find it to be very shameful and something that has happened to him. So I'm not really talking to him anymore.
Other than that, the worst reply I get is: "You're still the same". It simple feels like an attempt to close the conversation and force me to uphold the mask I wear for them. No interest in getting to know how I actually am.
I think my dad would too; if I hadn't already got fluid on the brain; his whole family don't like to talk about illness....They see it as shameful. Which is ironic as I have deep suspicions that my grandad, who my dad often refers to as selfish and miserable.....and very much a loner, was probably autistic too. My mum has suspected mine for a long time; the only thing that threw her off was my speed at learning to talk.
I guess we need to understand the past to understand their reactions. I learned that not too long ago e.g. 50-60 years, it was very shameful to get cancer. Something you wouldn't say to anyone. So they are most like just children og their time. But hell, it hurts ehn something you see as a gift to know is shameful to your own parent(s). My mother has been ok about it, but I believe that the autism runs in her family and she has very little ability to shown affection. So not much help to get there :)
Ah, I'm pretty sure you're right there as it just wasn't the done thing. My mum was at the other end; she's very affectionate and tries to be supportive but at the moment it's hard as she had a stroke before lockdown (I found her and visiting yesterday was tough as I've never thought of her as old) but her family I think are absolutely littered with people with autism; there's about 4 diagnosed; one of her brothers is so a-typical it's hard to see how he couldn't be and she had one who was a brilliant artist who was an emotional wreck and passed in the 80's but yep, I definitely think that was very common back in the 60s and before.