Struggling with understanding own emotions.

Most emotions I thought I had but didn't process, but those 4 don't happen to me. I thought I wasn't a jealous type of person, I hadn't clicked I might have a whole series of emotions I don't experience.

Yeah that's a tricky one for me too. I don't know what sorrow, jealousy, blame or melancholy feel like. It doesn't make us any less of a human being. Yes it's definitely to do with autism, we have strengths in other areas

I wonder a lot whether this, and other issues, are to do with an autistic brain (the hardware), or the consequences of a mind (software) that developed within an autistic child.

As a child I was just bewildered and either in a state of awe with the world, or just in my own world. I didn't engage with most people until approx 11, and then only around 15 started to have something looking more like normal engagement. This will have impacted my ability to relate, but also communicate, and so have my emotions processed by others for me as a baby and small child and so learn about them. So instead of a direct consequence of an autistic brain I wonder if it's an indirect one, that the hardware is there but didn't get programmed when young.

I think about this with regards 'avoidant attachment.' Do I have an strong version of this due to childhood experience of struggling to make sense of the world as a baby and so not connecting or attaching? Or is my brain wired not to attach? I could do therapy for the first one, but not the second.

I wonder about this to know what my way out of it all is.

That's what bothers me, that I can't put my finger on what's not working in understanding my emotions. It's like they're there, but hidden away from me. A colleague resigned from work unexpectedly last week and I can sense it's impacted me but I don't know how. I flaying around trying to talk to people about it but not getting anywhere, sad, disappointed, guilty, loss, grief, who knows?

I think it’s more to do with autism because it happens when I’m in a relaxed state mostly.

gosh good question i would say its the autism but if u where really really anxious maybe that could be the issue  in that u are panicking when someone is asking personal stuff about you.

i would have to be speaking to you for real to get a clearer answer. What did your report say did it mention u couldnt talk about your emotions ?

Interesting do you think my anxiety might be a cause or more to do with my autism?

NT people - many soldiers have all emotions wiped/suppressed during training. Likewise war experiences are so traumatic that emotions and feelings become numbed / suppressed leading to all sorts of Mental Health issues when they return home thinking all is OK.

Thanks aidie I thought it was just me I wonder if just autistic people have this issue.

yes loads in here do. I'll let them answer. I find talking about emotions hard because within a few questions I usually get stuck. It is as if  have less access to emotions, or I am defensive about emotions  or slower processing of emotions or less memory of emotions.  I cant put my finger on the issue. 

Is my sadness emotion the same as another autistic's sadness or a how about a neurotypical brain ?