Published on 12, July, 2020
I am NT and generally a very 'go getting' type, I know my partner procrastinates and I accept it however, sometimes things do need to be done. Call the doctors or go food shopping it doesn't matter what but I don't know how to help him to get motivated.
Please help I am asking for actual ways or words as I don't want to upset him or send him into a meltdown. I find myself getting really frustrated and I am trying meditation to help control that.
This could easily be an issue in a partnership with 2 neurotypicals. Not everyone is so "motivated".
You should maybe look at your list and see where stressors can be removed for both of you. Go food shopping - can it be delivered or click and collect? Go to the doctor - what's the appointment for? If it's a runny nose just leave it, new lump or head falling off then feel free to nag.
We have done a lot to reduce trigger points in our household; dishwasher, robot hoover, magnetic to-do list, shop at exactly the same time each week, meal planning, 2 rooms with a big TV and enhanced TV package, household routine and division of chores where we both follow the schedule. It really helps but NT husband took a lot of training to realise how much I needed the routine to continue even during holidays.
The point you make here is very valid! I don't think he knows yet what he needs. I know he is learning about himself a lot atm and until he is able to tell me what those are how can I understand? He keeps telling me 'I should know' if I know him.... should I? Am I not really in tune with him that much?
No that's an autistic thing, I'm terrible for thinking that if I know something then everyone else knows it too
That's called weak Theory of Mind, and I'm not sure there's much of a way around that. I can imagine it's frustrating. (Which is accidently an ironic comment cos that's exactly the problem of weak Theory of Mind, you can't imagine easily what the other knows and doesn't know.)