Published on 12, July, 2020
haven't had one in almost a couple decades, and don't foresee one anytime soon, if ever. it's just too hard being around someone, i need to do things my way, i hate cleaning things (except washing the dishes, i love to cook, although it's often the same exact thing), i don't[ bother screwing in light bulbs that burn out (i use solar lights i carry around and prop up, for crying out loud), and my house is so messy and revolting that i can't have anyone in... i seem to have my own slug-like rhythm, which i don't want others intruding on. in short, i am impossible to be around, and i find others impossible to tolerate, and probably will lash out at them sooner rather than later.
i am very private, very into myself, and don't let others into my world. having another person around, on an intimate or even semi-intimate basis, would just feel like an intrusion. i'd be like a cat on ice. literally. just super uncomfortable and exposed. i can't stand that. it feels like part of my aspergers - this need to be private. there's the social person (try to act normal) and the private person (secret and hidden under wraps). with 'close' friends, i generally am around them only for a couple hours at a time. that's it, without exception.
i feel some in the asd community are very very isolated, while most seem to be fairly or very social. i guess i'm asking the totally isolated ones for their input.
I had a period of 5 years where I was single and didn't pursue a relationship with anyone of the opposite sex.
I lacked the desire for a relationship and never felt like my authentic self when I was with someone who I thought I could potentially have a romantic relationship with.
I did have a male flatmate (purely platonic, we'd been high school friends, my parents were less than happy at me sharing a house with someone who wasn't pursing a marriage with me but then I think they thought he might be gay.
During that period I explored my autism a bit, despite being diagnosed in childhood I had an extremely strict upbringing that although supportive came with EXPECTATIONS. I basically masked 24/7 from age 7 until I went to university, appearing home every Friday to be the perfect daughter for the weekend and then returning to the university town on a Sunday night to repeat.
I eventually got enough self esteem and sense of who I really was and not who I was being expected to be, I got out there and met some people. At first sticking to people my parents would approve of (masking the whole time), but then I expanded out a bit and eventually met the person who I ended up marrying.
I now have my tiny friendship group and my husband. My parents didn't completely disown me but I thought they might at one point. His parents are nice but clearly don't get it all the time
I tell everyone who was where I was that you can't be happy in a relationship until you're happy in yourself. Shake off the expectations and learn who your authentic self is and then go and present that person to the social world, without an agenda, and see where it takes you. If that's what you even want at all.
Cookiesmum1986 said:I tell everyone who was where I was that you can't be happy in a relationship until you're happy in yourself.
this a key teaching of buddhism/mindfulness/Zen. Isn't that interesting
they refined it to
"you can't be happy until you're happy in yourself."