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might be homeless soon

Roswell

My dad is deliberately provoking me and pressing my buttons. He's a narcissist and is good at it. I can't take much more.

I can't live in my own flat, I can't handle it.  

I don't know if I'll survive long. I'm getting bullied by men where I live every day, because I'm a well known mentally ill person. I had teenagers riding past me on bikes yesterday in a menacing way.

I've got no friends and no family members I get along with except my mother, and she prioritises my father over me, he gets things his way every time and he loves doing nothing to accommodate my Autism and doing things to make it worse. The police have been out to the house 3 times this week due to suicide threats and me getting picked up drunk while out, which was to get away from him (and I've nowhere I can go).

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  • I feel you need better care from your locality Roswell.

    I know saying this changes nothing though.

    With your dad, is he a physical threat as well as a psychological threat?

    I'm also back again, after many years, living with my dad. The dad who physically abused me from the age of four and probably earlier. My memories don't go far back enough to know. My dad 'doesn't remember' hitting me or my brothers. My mum was rarely around from what I remember although she must have known. She doesn't like talking about.

    My dad's a touch narcissistic although it's hard to say easily in someone with his type of autism features as he struggles immensely with seeing other people's points of view.

    I guess I'm lucky now in that my dad thinks so bad of himself. I feel bad saying this but what's bad for him is a relief for me. We're probably of equal strength, even though he's much older. He's probably physically stronger but I feel I have a little something in reserve.

    Luckily the physical abuse ended at 15.

    The psychological side of things isn't so bad now as I and we have made a fair bit of ground over the last decade.

    I write some of this down to show I understand to a degree at least the wanting to break out, break away, escape from him and wanting this to happen on and off for the ever-so-painful 7 months since the lockdown began (and has basically been every day during this time for some of us).

    Sometimes this year I've found a time to walk into an open space and scream. If I had less open space, I'd be tempted to take a towel out and scream into that to muffle the sound.

    If you'd like to talk a bit more out of the public part here, I'll be open to talking on a private messaging here. I've not done that as yet on here.

    If nothing else, I've read your pain and I hear you.

  • in reply to calmerchameleon

    From what you wrote your experience is quite similar to mine. 

    I don't know if my dad is a physical threat but I can tell you emphatically I don't feel safe. I don't trust him one bit.

    I have nothing to lose.

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