I still hate life

I think you need to look at the positives in your life - you have food, a roof over your head and (some) money to spend.      You're actually much better off than many others.     If only you could find the place where you 'fit' and are accepted.

Is there anything you can do to help humanity in your own way?       I used to do little things like literacy mentoring - just sitting in the library reading stories to kids and listening to them read.   It's quite lovely to see them progress.

True I have some things to be grateful for. The company of your good self on here is one of them, I mean that.

I'd be open to trying something like reading stories to people, I need the support for it. My social worker recognises I need support, the system is not functioning very well. 

You have to understand sometimes I can't stay on a train, my anxiety is that bad around people. I will get off at an early stop. I've walked out of doctors surgeries' before appointments or walked out halfway through reading group meetings I attended.

I totally appreciate that you get overloaded - I do too - like yesterday.

Maybe if you talk to your social worker about wanting to do positive things and move forward, they might be able to organise something to help you.

I'd expect that for you to do something like reading, you'd probably need many 'dry runs' to the environment to make sure you have it all under control - one small step at a time to build a pattern of comfort and success without having the pressure of having to perform.    Just sitting there and watching with one hand on the ejector seat is a way to just relax and get used to whatever strange things happen there. 

Can they organise a mentor to be with you while you try to find more positive things?

Awesome. 

It's going to be tricky to organise something while we are all playing lockdown but don't give up - you clearly have so much to offer.

Awesome. 

It's going to be tricky to organise something while we are all playing lockdown but don't give up - you clearly have so much to offer.