Hola everyone,
My name is Morgan, i was diagnosed with ASD back in 2016 after a long long wait. I am high functioning which i feel is evil because i’m so aware of what I have and i can’t control it.
I am 26 and I am in a long distance commited relationship with a girl who lives in Puerto Rico. We have been together for 2 years now and I was supposed to be moving there and getting married this year but our fiancée visa got stopped due to (thanks to) COVID :(
We have almost broken up quite a bit the past few months and it’s mostly because I am convinced that she will leave me. She has not said she’s going to leave me and she reassures me a lot but i don’t want her to have to reassure me all the time. I am so in love with her but i don’t know how to control my emotions.
Today she told me her friend was coming from NYC to spend 10 days with her. I feel jealous but i’m also happy for her that’s she’s getting to see her friends. I am also sad because i miss her and people are getting to travel there and see her (I am unable to travel there due to Donald Trumps travel ban). We have loosely planned for her to come here in November/December but it’s a loose plan.
I last saw her January 4th, we have just celebrated 2 years together.
i don’t know how to control having 2 emotions at the same time I was happy that she was seeing her friends but i felt jealous and sad too and i let the jealous and sad emotion get the better of me instead of just saying i was happy for her.
I don’t know how to control how i’m feeling at the moment. I am having meltdown after meltdown and then the next minute i feel fine and ashamed of my meltdowns. My therapist can’t really help with this and I need more friends but I am so picky. My life is so so hard at the moment and I just don’t know where to turn or what to do. :(
This is only a small insight to what’s going on in my life, I just need to understand how to not let the negative emotions get the better of me. My anxiety is crazy and I am feel depressed.
