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High Functioning Problems

ChrisS

Hi all,

I'm a 37 year old high functioning male, really struggling with life atm. On the face of it all looks good. I have a good job, 2 wonderful children and a partner, however I'm a complete shell of a human. I started this mental health journey a few years ago when I felt I was missing some emotions with my children. An ASD diagnosis was so obvious, I can't believe it was new to me but I have, on reflection, a crazy amount of coping mechanisms and strategies that I fooled myself. And as a very lonely only child of a single parent didn't really have any support nor comparisons in youth.

I'm finding that I feel more and more robotic each day. More overwhelmed and totally disconnected from emotion, intimacy and really void of any interests and hobbies.

Does ASD get worse with age? Am I just at the limit of what I can cope with (a relationship, children, work and day to day life)? Am I exhausted - I've read recently about autistic burnout.

I'd love to find some solace in these forums and thank anyone in advance who reads this or could offer advice or insight.

Much love to all,

Chris

  • Hi Chris

    I'm exactly the same - and it was me not being able to keep up with my daughter's development that prompted a friend's wife - a teacher - to suggest I had all the traits of Asperger's.        I was diagnosed at 42.

    I mask like crazy and can pass as NT a lot of the time.       I was very independent as a child - I have an NT twin brother and just couldn't figure out the crazy ways they do things - but having a 'working model' version of me meant I learned to fake my responses pretty well.

    I consider myself like Mr Data from STNG - almost human - but not quite.   I'm able to do things that most other people can't but I often feel like I'm standing on the outside of the human experience.

    I think what your finding is the limitations of the simple mask you developed as a teenager to get you through the social day - it worked fine then - and you had the physical energy to keep up the charade.         As we get older, the physical effort becomes too much and the complexity of life is outside the parameters of our rigid mask so we start to stand out as 'different'.        As the NTs have developed and grown their social skills, ours stay fixed with our mask and eventually, as we get older, there's such a gap that we start to get noticed.