Teetering on the edge of a very dark hole!

To say I’m struggling at the moment is an understatement. I feel like I’ve got so much on my plate that to say “I feel” is to overstate my emotional condition. I’m just numb, functioning through each day.

I’m self employed, but work has dried up, I’m waiting to get signed off as an electrician, but the assessors have practically shut down. Their phones are off and they don’t respond to emails, so I have no idea when it will happen. I also have a fear that I will fail the assessment and I’ll be nowhere.

My Dad has dementia, which seems to have come out of the blue, it’s been so quick. He gets really angry and says some hurtful things, which I know he can’t help, so I don’t respond at the time, but it takes its toll later, and for days afterwards.

The main issue though is that my GP has completely screwed up my referral. I was on the local NHS waiting list, but post COVID was told this could be 3 years. I asked to be referred to Healios, which eventually (long story short) my GP did. However, it turns out Healios don’t accept GP direct referrals and the way They had gone about it made it look as though I was going to pay as a private referral. Which I simply cannot afford. I called the surgery about 5 and just got fobbed off by the receptionist who refused to let me book an appointment so I could talk to my GP. I ended up making a complaint to the local commissioning group, just to get a response. As yet this has had little effect. Other than the standard “we’re very sorry to hear about your experience” email.

The problem is I am getting no information from anyone and my fear is that nearly a year down the line I’m not on any waiting list anywhere and I’m paranoid the GP surgery is just going to cut me off and I’ll never be able to get an appointment for anything. It’s all just getting too much to cope with. My anxiety is through the roof and I can cope with less and less. I really don’t want to slip into depression but I’m holding on by my finger tips and get a sense that something minor will push me into the rabbit hole.

Parents
  • I think lots has been upturned by what has been going on with Covid. I put my faith in the fact that there may be a lot of understanding once things finally get back to a better working order in the NHS (and other parts of life). I live in hope that things missed/delayed by the unexpected events will be remedied in an understanding way.

    It's possibly good that you recognise you're struggling. Sometimes it feels as though we're thrown to the wind and I guess sometimes we have to just hold on tight to ourselves and see where the wind takes us, ready to grab hold of something when we can.

    I didn't quite get what the referral you're waiting for is for? Is it an assessment for autism?

    For the sake of connection, I can share that I have been in a position of being rather certain I have 'something Asperger's-like' and have spent the summer sat just wondering whether I have a chance of taking things forward. It has frustrated me at times but then I've also come to accept that nothing much in my life is moving forwards or anywhere and I've reflected how if getting assessed for ASD is difficult, then that is just the way things are. There is sometimes a bit of freedom in accepting the limitations we are faced/stuck with.

    I hope you can find a way forward, but if you have difficulty, there are other paths in life and sometimes things happen in their own time so I'd hope you don't get too disheartened at what is an anxious time for you.

    I hope I'm not diminishing your experience here. My aim is to empathise with the difficulty you're facing here and to hopefully open the door to recognising that there is hope for us in more than one path.

    Best wishes

Reply
  • I think lots has been upturned by what has been going on with Covid. I put my faith in the fact that there may be a lot of understanding once things finally get back to a better working order in the NHS (and other parts of life). I live in hope that things missed/delayed by the unexpected events will be remedied in an understanding way.

    It's possibly good that you recognise you're struggling. Sometimes it feels as though we're thrown to the wind and I guess sometimes we have to just hold on tight to ourselves and see where the wind takes us, ready to grab hold of something when we can.

    I didn't quite get what the referral you're waiting for is for? Is it an assessment for autism?

    For the sake of connection, I can share that I have been in a position of being rather certain I have 'something Asperger's-like' and have spent the summer sat just wondering whether I have a chance of taking things forward. It has frustrated me at times but then I've also come to accept that nothing much in my life is moving forwards or anywhere and I've reflected how if getting assessed for ASD is difficult, then that is just the way things are. There is sometimes a bit of freedom in accepting the limitations we are faced/stuck with.

    I hope you can find a way forward, but if you have difficulty, there are other paths in life and sometimes things happen in their own time so I'd hope you don't get too disheartened at what is an anxious time for you.

    I hope I'm not diminishing your experience here. My aim is to empathise with the difficulty you're facing here and to hopefully open the door to recognising that there is hope for us in more than one path.

    Best wishes

Children
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