Do you ever feel like you've got a handle on being autistic and then realise you haven't?

I'm almost embarrassed to type this, but I think it would help me to share.

Only diagnosed a few years ago as having Asperger's and had felt like I was getting on top of what particularly causes me issues and techniques to manage those sorts of situations, alongside an increasing ability to talk more openly to friends, family and colleagues about being on the spectrum.

Then this morning I not only had something of a meltdown but ended up feeling like I needed to apologise to my OH (NT, but very supportive) for being who I am.

The actual situation feels pretty stupid too. I had a plan that over the next hour, I'd mow the lawn and then have a coffee break. As I mowed, something flew up from the lawn and straight through a pane of glass in the greenhouse. It's safety glass, so was starting to craze. A bit shocked (believe it or not, I've never broken any sort of window before), so went to tell OH who was (infuriatingly) calm about it.

Went back to finish mowing and then noticed that the hole was growing and I could see and hear additional bits of glass falling off every few seconds. Panicked a bit about what to do and then when OH appeared got into something of a meltdown about how to deal with removing the glass/making a temporary cover/replacing it etc. OH utterly unbothered, which inadvertently made it feel like it wasn't an important issue to OH when is struggling with it.

Now feeling like a right idiot for going into meltdown and not being able to cope calmly with something which threw me out of my plan/comfort zone.

Hope no-one minds me sharing.