Hello! I am not autistic, however, am being pursued by someone I highly suspect is on the spectrum. He has not opened up about anything yet. But between his physical mannerisms, inability to maintain eye contact, and serious issues in communication, myself and my medically trained roommate are highly suspicious. I noticed something was different about him on the first date and as we have continued dating I frequently hear from him that he doesn't hold an opinion on things, isn't really thinking about anything, and uses the same few phrases over and over again. All of our interactions have been me talking and asking him questions. We have had a lot of awkward silence. I do know that he has dated in the past but has never been in a serious relationship. This is still pretty new and recent. We have so much in common and he doesn't seem to mind that I am quite the chatterbox. However, I often find myself feeling rejected because he doesn't respond to thinks, he isn't able to tell me how he is feeling or communicate them if he knows that those feelings are. He is extremely smart and has an advanced degree in the medical field. He doesn't mind social situations and being around people. My struggle is that he doesn't know what to say a lot of the time and just doesn't respond. I can't read his body language or facial expressions. I think that overall he does have social skills he has worked on, he has friends and family from college that he stays in contact with and he does listen actively to me when I am speaking. As our relationship has been progressing I decided it was time to have a discussion about physical intimacy and where my boundaries are. I initiated the conversation stating I needed to have an awkward, uncomfortable, but serious conversation, then asked what his expectations were. He didn't have any and hadn't thought about it, I spared a lot of the history behind my reasons and he just didn't respond, at all. We sat there in silence while he continued to eat. After a while, I asked him how he felt about it and he said he didn't know what to think. When I mentioned it was okay if he wanted to leave he said he wasn't going to leave. I don't question that he has feelings for me, but he hasn't verbalized any of that. I let him know that it was important to me to know what he thought and how he felt about what I said and asked him to get back to me later. He hasn't been in a dating relationship before and we are both slightly passed our mid-twenties. We have so much in common and totally hit it off. It would be a deal-breaker for me to be with someone that I can't have intimate conversations with and receive that back but at this point, I am not ready to move on. I like him, a lot. Honestly, I don't really care if he is on the spectrum, I am willing to educate myself and work around anything that we need to because we click so well. If you have any advice on how to help him open up more or deal with a lack of communication as we continue to get to know one another that would be so appreciated! For this scenario specifically, I do think that he has had several casual relationships. He's insanely smart and attractive and honestly with how sweet and kind he is I cannot believe he is on the market. Thank you in advance!
