I've gradually come to believe my husband has asd and that this underpins our problems. This may sound arrogant, which is partly why it's taken so long for me to speak up.
He finally agreed to raise it with gp but 2 questionnaires later and the gp says there's no hint of asd showing.
This is crushing for me and I'm wondering what experiences other people have had?
Oh NAS I hear you!!
My wife is happy to say in day to day conversation that she's from a long line of Aspi's but flatly refuses to be tested or even acknowledge it it in our 'difficult times'...sorry is a word that does not exist in her extremely wide vocabulary...she's a professional writer!!
Sometimes you just have to roll with it, you loved this guy for a reason, and if you're anything like me part of the attraction was the personality traits our partners exhibit! (strength of opinion).
You're not alone, there is help out there, don't lose faith especially if you have children. Take a deep breath, try to diffuse any conflict by understanding that the way that you and your partner think is fundamentally different...neither right or wrong just different!!
Once you realise that different doesn't mean "wrong" your arguments will be fewer and further between...you'll still have them and sometimes hey will be blazing, the children will cry and you will think that the world has ended...but its all over something small where you had DIFFERENT views.
I am not sure if this will help but my wife, who is the best mother and can be the most loving, caring, affectionate partner has made threats to "ruin' me when she is angry with me. We have been to counselling together and her occasional anger with me was highlighted, but also my lack of understanding of her 'difference' was also highlighted...that was a watershed moment for me. Once you realise that an Aspi thinks different to an NT you start to realise that you have to modify your behaviour...you're not right, you're not wrong...you're different, and it's your job to accept that and change the way you deal with situations.
My wife has lost her temper so badly with me sometimes and "raged" at me threats that 'she a woman and people will believe her" (I'm 6ft 6 and 19 st) and she'll 'ring a bell you can unring" and threaten to accuse me of some of the most awful things you can imaging during an argument in order to try to 'win' because she is frustrated to the point of being apoplectic with me and my lack of understanding of her point of view,...and she's right I will never understand her perspective on life and she will never understand mine. So breath deep, walk out of the room (thats what works for me) and then when you're ready say sorry...even if you're not. One of you has to say sorry and in my experience its quicker, and normal life can resume if its me!
Neither of us are wrong, we're just different, but as NT's we should be more flexible..but sometimes thats really tough!!
As I say, your partner is different to you, not wrong, just different, but as the NT in the room you have to step up and try to acknowledge that difference and try to alter your behaviour accordingly.
Good luck, as I say you're not alone and never forget you met and love that person for a reason...its worth the effort!