Undiagnosed spouse?

I've gradually come to believe my husband has asd and that this underpins our problems. This may sound arrogant, which is partly why it's taken so long for me to speak up.

He finally agreed to raise it with gp but 2 questionnaires later and the gp says there's no hint of asd showing.

This is crushing for me and I'm wondering what experiences other people have had?

Parents
  • Do you know about masking?      We project a fake 'user friendly' persona in a professional environment so we can avoid and hide all our social problems.         Some of us are very good at it and can pass as NT on first meetings - so if your spouse doesn't see the gp very often, it's likely that he comes across as a totally charming, professional bloke.        If people meet us more often, they start to notice something isn't quite right -  but we are often able to fake a cursory chat sufficiently well.

    You, as someone who spends a lot of time with him, will start to spot all of the strange behaviours as you start to see around the mask.

    Also, if he's in partial denial about his potential ASD, he may not be answering the questions truthfully and may have been able to put the gp off the scent.

  • I totally agree, Plastic. You are right that people mask. I had a recent diagnosis with a psychiatrist and my wife was there throughout, I thought it was important that she was. Partly, I wanted her to know that partners of someone with ASD have a tough time and she's not separate from my life, so what I do and how I am affects her too. So it's only right she was involved. Don't stop here with your GPs uninformed diagnosis. It can really help your marriage if your husband sees that you are both involved, and that the diagnosis can be the start of a new chapter.

    And don't feel bad about saying that the ASD underpins your (plural) problems. It's often true. It doesn't mean he's doing it intentionally of course, but I found that owning this point put me and my wife then on the same side, as it were, both of us facing the struggles I have rather than both of us squaring off against each other. Good luck! 

Reply
  • I totally agree, Plastic. You are right that people mask. I had a recent diagnosis with a psychiatrist and my wife was there throughout, I thought it was important that she was. Partly, I wanted her to know that partners of someone with ASD have a tough time and she's not separate from my life, so what I do and how I am affects her too. So it's only right she was involved. Don't stop here with your GPs uninformed diagnosis. It can really help your marriage if your husband sees that you are both involved, and that the diagnosis can be the start of a new chapter.

    And don't feel bad about saying that the ASD underpins your (plural) problems. It's often true. It doesn't mean he's doing it intentionally of course, but I found that owning this point put me and my wife then on the same side, as it were, both of us facing the struggles I have rather than both of us squaring off against each other. Good luck! 

Children
No Data