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Being used

Summer

I feel like I've done nothing but make sacrifices for my friends and family and especially my boyfriend. I've been struggling recently with feeling depressed and no one seems to care. I tried talking to them tried telling them something is wrong and they just don't talk to me anymore. No one checks on me or tries to help me and that's all I've done for them. I've bought them food, helped pay their bills and take care of their kids. I was their to support them when they lost their jobs, needed a ride, or help with school. I've been there financially and emotionally. I tried to help solve their problems. And now that I need help and tried to ask Ive just been made to feel like an inconvenience and like I'm being pushed away by the people I was always there for. I've been told I'm ruining their fun and blowing things out of proportion. I'm so lost and feel so alone. 

Parents

  • Hi Summer - I know exactly what you mean - I've suffered from this a lot.       

    The problem comes from our fair way of looking at the bigger picture without any preconceived bias.     If someone asks for a favour, we quickly weigh up that it's not too onerous and it won't impact us too much so we willingly oblige.   

    Unfortunately, NTs are selfish so they see anyone who is 'giving' is a fool to be used - so they will keep asking for favours.     Once you get known as a 'good stick'  and a 'helpful person', then all the other users crawl out of the woodwork needing little favours.

    Unfortunately, because the NTs are soooooo selfish, if you ever dare switch from being a giver to actually needing help, they see you immediately as a parasite and will bad mouth you to everyone.

    Are you familiar with the phrase "no good deed goes unpunished?"

    I found something else out too - it appears that a person's personality will become the average of the 5 closest people around them - so it is imperative that you choose those 5 people very carefully - have nice, positive people around you and you will feel better - and dump all the negative users - they offer you nothing.

    I'm in my 50s and it took many, many years to figure this out - many years of being used and abused before I worked out that I am a worthwhile, person in my own right - and I owe the users NOTHING..

Reply

  • Hi Summer - I know exactly what you mean - I've suffered from this a lot.       

    The problem comes from our fair way of looking at the bigger picture without any preconceived bias.     If someone asks for a favour, we quickly weigh up that it's not too onerous and it won't impact us too much so we willingly oblige.   

    Unfortunately, NTs are selfish so they see anyone who is 'giving' is a fool to be used - so they will keep asking for favours.     Once you get known as a 'good stick'  and a 'helpful person', then all the other users crawl out of the woodwork needing little favours.

    Unfortunately, because the NTs are soooooo selfish, if you ever dare switch from being a giver to actually needing help, they see you immediately as a parasite and will bad mouth you to everyone.

    Are you familiar with the phrase "no good deed goes unpunished?"

    I found something else out too - it appears that a person's personality will become the average of the 5 closest people around them - so it is imperative that you choose those 5 people very carefully - have nice, positive people around you and you will feel better - and dump all the negative users - they offer you nothing.

    I'm in my 50s and it took many, many years to figure this out - many years of being used and abused before I worked out that I am a worthwhile, person in my own right - and I owe the users NOTHING..

Children
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