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Relationship issue & feeling

NAS68178

Hello I am new here, I have started relationships with my bf 2.5 years ago, I am NT woman and was not aware that he is on a spectrum not until recently. Despite lots of fights and ups and downs, we are still together, but some things are still confusing to me as to what’s going on and how should I act. First of all I noticed that my bf cannot have date more than 4-6 hours, he never asks me to sleepover, at first I couldn’t understand why, but when I learned about his condition, I just accepted. As well as he never talk about his feelings, which is also understanding. But here I am confused, how can I express my love to him ? The good news that he is getting more comfortable with me and if before he would only text 1 a week now he does every 2-3 day, so with a big of a help, one day I do, another day he does. I would really love to spend more time with him but I don’t want to pressure him, how  I gradually increase my closeness with him ? We tried go apart but each time we go our ways after a month or so we end back together again. I believe that people in spectrum feel love but in their own way. I have to say I have accepted him the way he is, but at times it’s very exhausting guessing what he feel. 

  • in reply to Former Member

    Hi, thank you so much for your advice! I really appreciate it, I am will certainly try it what you advice me. 

  • Former Member
    Former Member

    Hi, I'm new here too. I can only offer my own perspective as a man with ASC who is married to a NT woman and always trying to find ways to make it work better. I think you sound very compassionate so first of all a big thumbs up for posting this comment. Can i suggest a few practical things. First, if the main issue is about how he communicates with you, you could try other forms of communication. I know this probably sounds daft, but  set up a WhatsApp link between the two of you just for communicating how you feel. Nothing about day to day stuff, just the stuff that can't be said verbally. Honestly, it works, and it's quite fun. You can be in the same room, whatever. Don't be afraid to spell things out clearly when you do talk or text. Eg, 'i like it when you say that, it's good for me.'  Also, sometimes it's the small stresses and anxieties that can be getting in the way for him. It's quite likely he has all positive feelings about you but it's the apparently small things that are uppermost in his mind when you might think he's is distracted -- for example, an interaction with someone at work or on the bus or something that troubles him. But my main advice is find another practical route to let him say how he feels. Emojis, text, whatever works. I wish you all the very best, you sound wonderfully compassionate.