Work got weird

so following on from my last post asking if I should come out fully at work. I am not out but my manager has known all along.

I was redeployed due to covid and I found the disorganisation a nightmare, to top it off I was having to work around my husband taking me to and from work due to public transport being off and he was working 18 hour days, my work gave 0 consideration to this despite me not driving for medical reasons (disclosed) and my husband also working within the NHS and his job being critical to covid.

Anyway I kind of knew I'd struggle with the upheaval of going back and asked occupational health for help and they said fill out this giant stress management form (50+ pages), I said I'm not stressed I'm autistic and they said you sound stressed to us, because apparently you can diagnose over the phone with your kids in the background.

As predicted going back was also a nightmare and my manager sent me home because she was worried for my mental health. I saw my GP and he was like what are your work on? You're not mentally ill you're autistic, did no one think to talk you through the changes or you know phone you in 8 weeks? Work tried to refer me to occupational health and they said they wouldn't see me because I'd seen my GP.

I was off a week, I'm back and I'm kind of fine. Still settling in. Performance wise at work they can't fault me (their words) but today my manager said they're referring me back to occupational health because her manager (who has met me once) has concerns about me and how I'd cope on placement (I'm also a student nurse) if an emergency happens. I'm like well I'd be fine, I'd do what I'm trained to do. How do you explain to someone that you're more put out by the wrong coloured socks than you are someone decking it? Anyway if Occupational health decide to not do anything I need to have a case review with HR and tonnes of managers and this doesn't seem right? I've only ever heard of these things when someone has royally f***** up and like I say they keep saying my work is perfect.

its like my mask fell at work and now that they've had to confront the reality of me being autistic and not just autistic on a bit of paper suddenly I'm a liability when actually I'm one of the safest members of staff in there. 

I'm really worried about this case review thing, I mean how can I be facing HR when I have a good track record? I've literally done nothing wrong except be born autistic and this is the crap I get for having a couple of bad days in 5 years? No one was ever at risk, I was redeployed to a cupboard! 

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  • Well the higher organisation know as in I disclosed it in the application and when my new line manager was hired I told her so the covid redeployment was a stupid idea and should have been thought through better and there's not really any excuse for that because everyone who had the power to help knew. 

    The team I work in don't know. There's a personality clash with one person and I feel like her knowing would just be like painting a target on my back. Also I work in the NHS and we've had a few patients kick off before because the clinics have run late or whatever and it's been blown off as "oh he's probably on the spectrum" or if a patient is a bit odd "they're a bit autistic aren't they" so it's not feeling like a warm fuzzy environment to come out into.

    And now with this HR case review over my head when I've literally done nothing wrong it's like the environment is turning more hostile. Like I said they're for people who really mess up or turn up drunk and high and don't go into dependence management. 

    They're having it on a bunch of hypotheticals "what if there's an emergency and you don't step up" and i feel like they could hold that question over a lot of our staff.  There's people on my team who has a fit because they spent an hour in a ward feeding people soup, should they be case managed? I mean I can do soup runs, and toilet and deal with aggression - all stuff they've not had real experience of because of the nature of our department and yet they get put to the easiest task and you'd think the world ended. That's ok though they're neurotypical and out of their comfort zone for an hour, they send the autistic away for 8 weeks, bring me back with vague details and wonder why I struggle to deal?