Hello,
I can't say what it is that has compelled me to reach out, but I felt that if any place would be appropriate for me to do so, then this would be it.
Towards the start of 2020 I began therapy, via Skype, with a psychologist who has since become the only medical professional with whom I've maintained contact for more than a few sessions. We went through the initial protocol, familiarising himself with my present and past before initiating a personality disorder assessment. It was around half way through this that our discussions led to the abandonment of the initial assessment, and we moved onto the relevant questioning for a diagnosis of ASD. This was some months ago and, needless to say, the outcome was quite conclusive; that I, at 24 years of age, qualify for the diagnosis of an autism spectrum disorder.
I am very selective with my choice of doctor; in the past, I have felt, at times, desperate merely to be heard. However, this is usually swiftly nulled by the nonsense spewed by some of the so-called "professionals" I have had the pleasure of encountering. Having received numerous misdiagnoses over the years, I had almost lost my faith in these people. That was until I met my current doctor, with whom I have unravelled years of confusion. With 30 years practiced with many clients on the spectrum, along with his partner (who also falls on the spectrum) of many more years that that, I felt that at last I had found someone who could adequately decipher the chaos in my head.
I think it would be far too easy for me to indulge myself in this piece of writing. But with a brief introduction out of the way, I suppose I should address, and summarise, if possible, my reason for reaching out.
I'm having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that neither my Dad nor his wife will accept the diagnosis. It's been a few months now, since the doctor and I reached the conclusion, and since then my spare time has been filled with hours of research around this missing part of my identity.
But they won't accept it.
It's all very well me telling myself that I'm "Oh so good at pretending to be normal", so good in fact that they've never had reason to doubt the legitimacy of that character they got to know so well. Upon the day of the 'big reveal', my message was met with "You don't ACTUALLY have any of the characteristics of autism" from my step-mother.
"Oh, but you're clearly an expert in the field" I wish I had said sarcastically, "I must be wrong, and so must my doctor".
But rather than that, I spilled my heart and soul out to the both of them (over messenger that is, we seldom talk on the phone) telling them of the years I had spent building this 'socially acceptable' character.
And that was it. It's been nearly two months since I sent that message.
And she hasn't said a word to me.
How do I let go of that?
Thanks, to anyone who reads this. Like I said, I'm new here.. So I don't really know how this all works.
But thanks.
