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Feeling like a mess and a loser...

NAS66392

I have done two things that are wrong because my autistic brain has told me to do and it will be fine, but it was not and I am very sorry for it. 
The first one that my sister needed colouring in paper because she did not have any and would need something to do to whilst being off the wi-fi (she was not allowed to be on because others were using Zoom which causes wi-fi quality to decrease). I had some blank colouring in pages from a journal I had a few years ago but never finished, so I gave them to her. But this was a journal when I was going through a bad time (not anymore) that I crossed out  all the lines and ripped up the worst pages so she could not see them, and I was happy to finally get rid of it. But I did not think that my family would read them especially since it was so old and crossed out. But they did and although they said they were not having a go at me when they questioned why I would give pages to my sister to colour in (it was an accident that I should have thought about in hindsight), but I made a mistake later on and they used it to hang over me by suggesting that I am not a good person and I made them want to kill themselves. It was a complete accident and I am so sorry for it, I don't know what to do to make it right.
The second thing I did that was wrong was that today I did not realise that the postman had arrived until the door made a noise, but I did not want to disturb my parents when they were in a meeting, as this has annoyed them in the past (people walking around noisily whilst meetings were going on). I also assumed that the postman would leave the stuff at the door as that has happened to my parcels in the past, but they left a card saying pick it up tomorrow which I was not aware that they had done until it was too late. Now they are angry at me for it because they think it was done out of laziness (when it was not), and that I did not just apologise. I did apologise but I also wanted to explain because they did not like it in the past when I just apologised without explaining and now I am confused and guilty. 
I don't know what to do. I am so fed up of explaining the ways my autistic brain works to non-autistic people, and I fear these will become reasons to throw me out. 

Parents

  • Journals are personal, lesson for you: don't give them to anybody if you want to keep them for yourself. You do have the right to have a journal, and nobody should read it, but it gets a bit grey zone if you hand it to somebody else...

    But also, don't be too hard on yourself, your parents should also do some parenting and get something for your sister to be entertained while they are using up all the wi-fi bandwidth. You're a good person for wanting to share your stuff with your sister to help out, that offsets some thoughts you might have had in the past. 

    On the thing with the postman, objectively, what you did is just fine, you had a very reasonable reaction to this. You can say that out loud, it would probably be better if next time you would just state 'before the postman used to put the package in front of the door, just didn't want to make noise to disturb your meeting'.

    But also, they probably are annoyed now because they have to go to town tomorrow to pick the parcel, and that's why they look for scapegoats. It's a human thing, it's not your fault, let that be cristal clear, it's a grey zone. Next time you'll open the door and they'll be annoyed because you made noise... it's one of the jokes of life, if you look at it like a comedy show, you'll probably enjoy it more.

    An NT person would not even think so hard on a solution to make this situation 'avoidable'... we can't avoid such situations, you did well, on both occasions, don't let it disappoint you or spoil your day!

  • in reply to MDC

    You are right about journals. I suppose I thought that I could help my sister and get rid of the journal, but I did cause the grey zone which started this mess.

    That is true about trying to keep my sister entertained. But hopefully that won't be a problem as much because my parents won't need the wi-fi as much in a few weeks (summer holidays). 

    I did have a reasonable reaction to the postman but the parents just responded with 'I am not near the door and clearly the postman did not - don't justify!' But how can I explain myself otherwise?

    I do not know if they picked up the parcel yet as I am worried to ask. It is definitely a grey zone, damned if I do and damned if I don't, definitely like a comedy show. It wasn't laziness or being annoying but they think it is. 

    I do have to think harder than an NT person because I live predominantly in an NT world so I cannot avoid these types of situations, but I will try to think of me and not let it affect my day unless I have to think about it. 

  • in reply to NAS66392

    You found a place here where you can vent these stories and get an opinion from others about it. 

    I think what sets us apart from NT people is that we tend to look for perfection and clear guidelines that foresee all situations, where in reality lots of unexpected combinations happen. 

    You have your heart (intentions) in the right place in these stories, you care for the needs of others, that's ok. 

    Postmen tend to be under lots of pressure to finish their rounds in time, and some of them if they're running late will just put that note in the mailbox as a default action.

  • in reply to MDC

    I will and I will use the National Autistic Society forum, Scope forum and Elefriends, as there are a lot of people that seem to have common sense and empathy. 

    I know I cannot be perfect for others and be a people pleaser and be a doormat. I have a postcard that says 'Just trying to be better, not the best' and I think that will be my mantra when I eventually listen to it.

Reply
  • in reply to MDC

    I will and I will use the National Autistic Society forum, Scope forum and Elefriends, as there are a lot of people that seem to have common sense and empathy. 

    I know I cannot be perfect for others and be a people pleaser and be a doormat. I have a postcard that says 'Just trying to be better, not the best' and I think that will be my mantra when I eventually listen to it.

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