So last night to early hours this morning I started a book called The Kiss Quotient by Helen Hogan. It’s about a 30 year old Autistic (Aspergers) women struggling with her life. She doesn’t like to be touched and she thinks she is bad at sex etc.
From only reading a few chapters I ended up sobbing before I could get any sleep. It just felt like I was reading a book about myself (minus the tech expert & escort) and that really scared me. I started thinking...”I’m I wasting my life? Will I end up at the age of 30 still in the same situation? Will I ever get past the feeling of being panicked/frightened of sex or any kind of romantic touching.
To maybe my parents and my online friends, they may think that I am sex mad (yes I think about sex) but that doesn’t terrify me because it’s all in my head, or in a book etc. But when it will eventually become to physical (if I ever get a guy) I just freeze up. My flirting and confidence (in a way) sex talk is like a mask I think, and just reading a couple of chapters from that book just gave me an insight of what I am or will be.
And even though there is suppose to be some help out there for autistic people (even though I haven’t received any) I am afraid of the world...this adult world that someone my age should be enjoying and embracing.
This book has just rattled me, and I am sorry if I sound like a weeping mess. But I just didn’t know who to talk to (even though I could talk to my parents). I just felt like people on here would understand where I am coming from.
Thanks for reading x
