Hello,
I posted a while ago in regards to my daughter.
However I am with an employment trust Who help people with disabilities and they said they think I have aspergers.
to be honest it makes sense to me and my friends and family.
however I and my daughter are both undiagnosed.
honestly I have had such poor experience with people in education and also in regards to my employment trust.
i recently changed my adviser because after being with her for 3 years I wa a mentally drained ; she seems to like to bring up past events that triggered a anxious reaction in me or get me into a panicked state.
but then she can also be very helpful and kind I found her moods very up and down ; I struggled with this inconsistenty it was such a mental drain to know what mood she would be in every week and the fact I knew I was powerless to get anyone to believe me.
I kept telling her I wanted my own business.
i have worked for years however I’ve always struggled with the social aspect of work. I am good at my job but I get overwhelmed with all the office politics and back stabbing.
this causes me to suffer terribly from anxiety to the point I catastrophize everything. I end up very ill physically because of the stress.
the aspects of the job is the easy part for me.
but I don’t understand how what people say isn’t always what they mean and I struggle with being micromanaged as I need a high concentration level.
I wish I could cope but I can’t hence why I said about running my own business.
she originally said I couldn’t but ten went to a seminar about clients and she came back and told me they said of a client says they want there own business then you should help them and allow them.
i was excited as she said she is going to speak to the manager about it.
next week I go in excited and she said how is the job hunting going ? I said I was waiting for you to tell me if I could start my own business.
she said we have been through this you can’t. ( triggered me) I said but you said last week you would ask the manager.
she said we need to move on this isn’t going to happen.
if she thought I has aspergers then Why would she do things that would trigger me?
most weeks I would have panick attacks before going to see her and most weeks would avoid going.
No one would believe me So I just kept putting up with it.
they kept trying to get me to a sign a form that would let them access all my doctors notes.
I kept saying no and it got to the point where a male staff member said they can’t help me if I don’t sign it.
to which I started crying, hyperventilating and said I want to go home repeatedly and the woman tried to calm em down and then said oh poor you your not very well at all at the moment.
nothing about the fact they didn’t respect my boundaries and no means no.
its like these people seem to get a sick kick of seeing me being triggered and these are the people that are meant to be helping the vulnerable members of society.
Honestly I’m fed up of being manipulated by people it’s like they spot me a mile of , I’m very friendly and chatty.
but this kind of stuff happens all of the time.
Alot of people ask for help I have trouble saying no and I get used a lot and soon as I start saying no which I make up excuses people turn pretty nasty for no reason what so ever.
this seems to be a pattern I have repeated for years and still attract what I can only describe as darknpeople.
they also tell me everything which some of the stuff is quite alarming but it’s like they aren’t afraid to tell me. This makes me anxious as I don’t like knowing People’s darkest secrets or habits as I feel it’s a heavy weight on me.
their close friends don’t even seem to know their true side and I’m fed up of people being comfortable showing me all of their sides when they seem to put a mask on so easily for others.
and years.I still to this day struggle to understand how someone can be so mean when all you have done is be kind.
what help can I get I can’t keep having these unhealthy friendships ?
i can’t keep being in this position in life I feel vulnerable and I feel like people think they can’t treat me however they want.
I just don’t have the energy to deal with these people as they always come with drama and hurt.
what help can I get to stop me attracting these people?
how can I change ?
How can I avoid people that mistreat me?
What am I doing wrong?
