This is my first time posting. I am a 47 year old woman who received a diagnosis of ASD comorbid ADHD last month. I was diagnosed with ADD as a child but was never able to tolerate the meds. I always knew there was something bigger going on with me though because I had so many problems in every area. I’ve had the worst life- a real “born looser” -no exaggeration. The combination of undiagnosed ASD and ADHD turned my life into a full blown nightmare.
I was bullied my whole life; no real friends. Nearly flunked out of high school. Had to drop out of uni without a degree, jumped from job to job, impulsively joined a religious cult, was set up in marriage to a near stranger and naively trusted him with the finances without asking questions. I Stupidly had four children one after another- even after my husband was diagnosed with cancer. After he passed away I discovered he owed millions and was bankrupt. And had no life insurance.
Fast forward 7 years later and I am still relying on the religious community for survival, even though I am desperate to break away. I am a chronically exhausted single mum to 4 VERY challenging neurodiverse boys. I have constant anxiety, uncontrollable binge eating addiction, chronic internet/phone addiction, and am a recluse avoiding nearly all social contact. My executive functioning is so poor I can not do my own paperwork/bills/etc.. I am unable to work and am constantly stuck in a cycle of extreme overwhelm and procrastination. I struggle to take care of all my children’s needs, and keep track of the thousands of details. My children are becoming teenagers and are so wild, disrespectful, and horrible to me. they call me names and threaten me.
I get waves of suicidal depression but will never be brave enough for that. I wish I had been born with severe autism instead. Then I would never have gotten into in this *** situation. It is much worse to be seen as “normal” but a lazy rude failure, than profoundly Autistic.
