Finding it hard

I’m finding life really hard and feel like it’s all going to be over soon. I spoke to some Samaritans woman and she wasn’t much help. I’m depressed and I feel like there’s nothing I can do to come out of it on the other side. My whole life I’ve had set back after set back no matter how hard I tried everything went wrong and now I’m approaching my 20’s and I have no job, no friends, no home I have nothing. Last year I made myself a promise that if life hadn’t improved even a little by July 1st then that would be it, no more. As I suspected then my death date is almost here and I’ve taken no steps forward. Aspergers made life hard to start with but then leaving school everything around me fell to pieces. Parents are gone. I feel so alone. I need to speak to someone with Aspergers, someone who understands me because no one outside of the spectrum does or will. I’m nearly done because life is just one big headache for me. I’m hoping someone can help me.

  • Hello Candyfloss. Really sorry to hear that. Some Samaritans are better at understanding than others.  It's difficult in your late teens when there's so much pressure, but things get easier after that (and as someone in middle age I can say keep getting better, partly because things turn out better than expected and partly because the pressure is off). . Can I ask what happened to your parents?

    Besides this forum, there are local groups for Aspie self-support, mostly meeting online at the moment of course - have you checked the NAS directory for your area? Also, because it sounds like you're having suicidal thoughts, you should check things out with your GP, or if urgent, take yourself to A&E.  Depression is not a necessary part of being autistic.

    People here understand the frustrations of being misunderstood, ignored and overlooked. What is your biggest frustration now? Are you at college, or able to go?

  • Success is nearly always built on a foundation of failure and experience, particularly for us as we have to find our own way to navigate life more then neurotypical people. Please don't think nothing will ever get better.

    That said, I understand your choice, it is hard being isolated by the lack of understanding and dealing with added set backs, very little I can say will change that. however this post makes me feel like you do want to give life a second chance. This guy pretty much saved my life not so long ago, and I'd suggest checking out some of what he has to say if you can.

  • Hello Candyfloss. I can understand completely, yet I can tell from experience that things do turn around and get better. I had difficult time. My autistic daughter last year was suicidal and now she goes from strength to strength. 

    Have you been at your GP and do you take medication? This is the obvious place to start.

  • Hello Candyfloss,

    I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know what’s happening/how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay. 


    If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support.


    If it’s outside your GP hours call  111  to reach the NHS 111 service: 


    You may also like to contact The Autism Helpline who can provide information and advice on behaviour and strategies. You can call them on 0808 800 4104 (10am – 12pm and 1pm - 3pm, Monday to Friday). Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an advisor.

    I hope you find the information helpful.

    Elena Mod

  • Hello Candyfloss,

    I also wanted to mention that MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful. 


    If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support.


    Take care,

    Elena Mod

  • Welcome to the forum.  One improvement to your life has happened, anyway.  You've joined this forum and therefore now have access to all the AS-specific inside information you could possibly want.  Well, maybe not ALL, sometimes I have questions that are specialised enough that there's nobody passing who knows the answer, but believe me, you won't believe how useful it is to belong to an AS-specific forum.

    Have you read other recent threads on here?  Because there have been quite a few lately discussing how to get jobs or how to get to know more people.  If nothing useful to you, maybe start one of your own (under a more specific title and giving more details of why it's difficult, if possible), and see if people can suggest what might work.

  • Hello all, thanks for replying. I took myself to a&e in the end as Elena mod and cassandro suggests and they have given me the help i need and now I am being supported by a counsellor and a mental health team so hopefully on the mend. My dad went first because of recurring infections and then my mum a year later because of a clot. I didn't mean for life to get on top of me but everything seemed to be going wrong and I just felt like it was all over and that there was nothing I could do about it. I'm sorry all. My counsellor has assured me though that I can and will get better now.