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Any older adults prefer solitary life?

Kit McDaydream

Are there any other older adults (50+) who prefer a solitary life after spending most of their life being forced to fit in to avoid spending it being bullied?

I've always hated having to have other people's kids forced on me even though people know I don't like kids especially very young (who might scream or shriek unpredictably). I've never like physical contact so avoided getting married so I wouldn't have to have kids either.

I did manage to mask effectively when I was younger and have a relatively 'normal life' for a period but the many years of masking led to a breakdown which my body never fully recovered from. (we think now it was possibly a Functional Neurological attack - previously known as Conversion Disorder) due to constant extreme amount of stress and anxiety from social pressures 'to be normal'

Once I hit my late 40's the perimenopause seems to have kicked in which has again heightened all my autistic sensory triggers. I started to hate going out and resent people for feeling they had to visit me and invade my personal space. I loved lockdown and having a 'legitimate reason' for being able to walk my dog really early to avoid everyone incase they passed on coronavirus and not having to let anyone into my space or even answer the door for deliveries. (just stick a note on door  'shielding pls leave parcel/food here')

Really love the Ben Fogle program where people go off and live in the wild and wish I had the money to go do that. It's seems to be harder to find anyone who only wants to be an email penpal with everyone into video chat which I hate and find visually confusing due to time lag and people's lips not matching the sound. I also struggle with working out speech anyway and prefer to communicate via reading and writing. Everybody wants to be too social. People take photo's without asking permission and put you on their instagram etc, get offended if you haven't video chatted to them daily because you couldn't meet up whilst I'm struggling to force myself to even look at my phone knowing any potential text message is going to end with 'so when can we come and visit'

Are there any older autistic adults out there who prefer email penpal only, no pressure to ever meet. maybe like to play lexulous and prefer a much quieter more solitary life with pets rather than people?

Kit

  • in reply to Kit McDaydream

      so are you Upt'North who is playing lexi with me now?  

  • in reply to Up t'North

    Hi..sorry I've only just seen this message!  I've started a game so you should have a game request from KitMcDaydream.  I sent a message in the chat so you know its me too  said 'Hi its Kit from NAS forum, still fancy a game (..or something like that).  ..First word on board is CHIEF

  • in reply to Kit McDaydream

    Hi Kit, I'm now on Lexulous as UptNorth .. wanna have a game?? :-)

  • in reply to NAS62563

    Yeah I only usually see people for birthdays and xmas. I think though due to lockdown happening in March so I missed birthdays and mothers day (visiting stepmother who haven't seen since xmas either) it just feels like a really long time!

    I did get to see my brother on my birthday though recently and go to his house for dinner but it was 6 months since our last meet up on xmas day, where usually we would have seen each other a couple of times at least between now and xmas.

    I literally have less than 5 people in my life and 2 of those (who would usually remember) did not even send me text message on my birthday just to say 'Happy Birthday' which would take seconds to do.  I assume this to mean they no longer/care/love me/want to be friends anymore so my circle of 'trusted safe people' shrinks ever smaller.

    I'd really be totally alone if my last sibling got the corona virus and I'd have no idea how to arrange a funeral even in theory without even having the emotions of having just lost my only blood relative left on top of having to learn how.

    Although on a daily basis being in my own company (including the dog but no other humans!) is largely preferable the 'bigness' of realising I was left totally alone in a world I barely understood at the best of time (if I lost my only other blood sibling) would be so terrifying I fear I'd shut down completely forever.

  • I am content with a solitary life with occassional socialising (maybe once a week). After spending a few hours with family or friends I just want to go back to being alone, I don't think I would enjoy being in a relationship or living with someone else

  • You hit the spot exactly for me. I have hundreds of e mails each day, but rarely speak to anyone. I analyse everything in great detail and reflect on the Theory of the Mind that we autistics have and how that can be a big problem. I am dreading the end of lockdown as it has given me an excuse not to socilaise, but instead sit on the computer all day.

    I post a few times on here as I have got in to a terrible legal problem, through my autistic actions and I really do not understand others beliefs if false scams

  • in reply to NAS67092

    Do you like to play Lexulous?  (same as scrabble but with an extra tile). You can create a user name the same as this one so don't have to give any personal email etc and there is a chat option too.  I don't do FB so if you don't either can join by going on to the computer website (lexulous.com) and join using same NAS nickname, just to make it easier to find each other without giving out personal details),  

    Can play as 'email game' where it just emails you when other person has taken their go/left a message' (or notifies you in a similar way to receiving text messages if you're using the app version)

    You can then take your go from within the app if you have a tablet as it is actually easier to read on the app version once you've signed up, but they tend to want your FB name and friends list if you try to sign up first via the app (or used to),

  • Hi Kit, I'm sorry that you went through so much stress when you were younger. I'm not 50+ but I must say I can relate to many things you wrote: the avoidance of getting bullied for being different is literally essential to me and I am OK with it. If I don't enjoy something, why do it? I really can't deal with noise. Non-autistic people don't understand that even if they don't like noise. It's not the same. Many things cannot be understood by people who don't have similar struggles. I know it's not people's fault and I think many of them mean well. It's not necessarily bullying but it is certainly a form of nagging. I am too old to be treated like a child. As long as I am polite and bother nobody, I don't have to participate in peer pressure activities like social media or someone wanting to come over without notice. I cannot become neurotypical and that's perfectly OK with me so why would that be a problem to others? I don't try to change others either. Most things that we deal with are not deliberate and not merely out of habit anyway but again, many people don't understand that. I don't feel like I miss out on much socially because in order to miss out, I would have to enjoy social activities in the first place. The older I get, the less attention I want/need. I have a family but no close friends. I live a quite isolated life that average people would probably consider very boring but I am happy with it as long as I'm in my bubble instead of having to adjust to others. I would love to have some penpals. No cameras, I wouldn't even mind not exchanging any photos. I just don't think that matters for meaningful conversations. I guess it is an autistic thing to prefer writing. I don't know but that's how I feel the most comfortable. 

    I really love people but most have a tendency to prefer similar personalities.There are some things I want to change about myself but those are usually not the things non-autistics want to change about me.