Work and anxiety? (I don’t like naming threads)

I’ve been on furlough for the past 2 months but I’m back at work and my anxiety is back too. 

I’ve realised that my problem is that I want to know everything what’s going on around me at work.

I’m anxious because I don’t know what my coworkers are doing and what they are going to do. 

Even if I don’t need to know because it doesn’t involve me directly (but it might indirectly)

It also makes me anxious if people change something, even something small like they put things on different shelves (why? when? who made that decision?)

And even though I know it doesn’t matter because their way of doing things is just as good as mine, it still makes me anxious. 

I say nothing though and fight an urge to redo everything my way.

I’m really rubbish at confrontation and I find it hard to explain myself well in stressful situation so I just hide what I feel and say nothing. I hardly talk to people anyway.

This week I’ve finally noticed that most of my energy at work goes to worrying about what’s going on on around me.

It’s stressful and self destructing.

I keep thinking and worrying about who is doing what, what did manager tell whom and why and if it’s going to change anything for me, what are the work dynamics and how they’re changing and if and how something I don’t know is going to affect me in the long run, what other people are doing and what they are planning to do next and how should I plan my day around that.

Is it something to do with the autistic traits or maybe some entirely separate anxiety disorder?

What can I do about this? 

And now I’m angry at myself that something so trivial is destroying my mental health.

  • Hello, I also like your diary idea. It doesn't require explanation of analysis, just noting down, and it might address the need to keep going over things.

    Ladybird and Flunglebimp, you both sound like lovely thoughtful co-workers to me.

  • Hello Ladybird,

    You may be interested in reading a bit more about anxiety in autistic adults: https://www.autism.org.uk/about/behaviour/anxiety.aspx

    You may like to contact our Autism Helpline team who can provide you with information and advice. You can contact the team via telephone on 0808 800 4104 (10am – 12pm and 1pm - 3pm, Monday to Friday). Please note that the Helpline is experiencing a high volume of calls and it may take a couple of attempts before you get through to speak to an adviser. Alternatively, should you prefer to send a message, you can do so via their webform:

    https://www.autism.org.uk/services/helplines/main/form.aspx

    Take care,

    Elena Mod

  • Don’t give up. It’s hard, it’s exhausting and that’s why you need to talk to someone who can help you or even just listen. 
    Over thinking is Horrible, and it can be all consuming. Set yourself a small goal each day, and praise yourself for reaching it, but be kind of you don’t. X

  • Maybe writing a diary isn’t a bad idea.

    I’ve noticed that the more I fight with myself the worse my mental health becomes. The more I think about everything and analyse my behaviour (and other people’s) the more anxious and depressed I become.

    This year I’ve started with hope and will to “fight my weaknesses” once again but since Covid19 happened I succumbed to anxiety and depression that’s even worse than before. I feel I’m approaching some breaking point and I don’t know if I should face it and fight it (and most importantly, how) or just give up because my “fight” seems to be counterproductive or futile. 

  • Hi ladybird

    i think it’s a mix of the two maybe? I’ve just been diagnosed as Autistic (HFA Level 1, aspergers) and I also find myself thinking and behaving very much as you describe above. 
    This coronavirus mess has taken away order and control and routine and structure in every aspect of life. This is bound to make anyone anxious, let alone someone with underlying anxiety or an ASD. 
    don’t get angry with yourself, it’s just how you feel and how you’re reacting to things. 
    have you got a close colleague you can confide in? Or a friend? 
    ypu could try writing a diary to yourself about things that are bothering you and write replies to yourself, as a kind of ordering of thoughts? I’ve found that helpful in the past. 
    look after yourself and don’t be hard on how you feel x