Facial expressions and autism

You might be right - maybe I think people are neutral because I feel neutral. I’ve actually never thought about that before. I just assumed that’s what people feel most of the time. But now I’m not sure anymore.

I would like to be someone else for a day to compare. Yes, probably to see if I am different or maybe I’m looking for something that isn’t there and I’m exactly like everyone else. But then, everyone is a bit different, no two people are the same so I don’t know how to find this baseline or if it’s even real. I don’t know how people feel and what they see and how well they can read facial expressions or body language. Because I’m not in their heads and therefore I can’t really compare. 

I struggle with eye contact because I can’t focus when I look into someone’s eyes. I look at people’s mouth to be able to have a conversation. I don’t even know if people notice that or not.

And I scored low on EQ but maybe it’s because I’ve never knew how to respond to people and when someone is upset I just go uncomfortable and want to change the subject (when my grandfather died I was annoyed that my mum cried because I just wanted her to behave like she always behaved, I understood that she was said but as I’ve never lost my parents I couldn’t really relate even though I understood she was sad)

Maybe I don’t notice facial expressions because I don’t really look at the faces. I look at people’s mouths when they talk. Or sometimes I can look at their hair or teeth. Sometimes at eyes but I can’t stand when our eyes meet. But sometimes I notice colour of their eyes, uneven teeth or something like that. But it distracts me. So usually I try to look at one thing - focus on their mouth or look at something next to them. Or unfocus my eyes a bit so everything is a bit blurry and I can’t see much and can focus on the conversation. Maybe that’s the part of the problem.

I'm undiagnosed female. When I first started reading about facial expressions and body language, I thought I didn't have a problem. I'm quite a social person. Then it got me thinking. I do struggle to tell if someone is winding me up or not. I dont know if this is from bullying in childhood but i do get suspicioys if people are joking on me or not. Eye contact does make me uncomfortsble in some situations. I can get the wrong end of the stick with close ones (often tone of voice but maybe sometimes facial expressions too). I did the empathy quotient test or whatever it was online and scored higher than a neurotypical person. What are your own expressions like? I've had people say to me "cheer up it'll never happen." "Cheer up! It's a party!" I felt perfectly happy although a bit nervous, as at any social event. Sometimes I think I'm smiling when I'm not. One of my old school photos I thought I smiled thrn when we got it back I just looked fed up. Something happened in a course I was attending with work a couple of years ago where I didn't read facial expression correctly then felt like a fool.  I don't pick up on if people are attracted to me. I didn't recognise the male gaze until I was about 25.  I'm sure neurotypical people have some of these similar problems too but I don't know to what extent. I think often my expression mirrors the other person. Most of my friends are quite expressive. I've noticed there's more movement in my voice and face depending on who I'm with. If I'm talking to a male, they generally are less expressive and I feel I have a more natural tone and face talking to them.  Sometimes I don't know how to react to someone and feel that my face isn't expressive enough or is too much. 

I don't feel like a typical girl.  

Would a neurotypical person think about all these things as I have done and do?

Do you think most people are neutral because you yourself feel that way most of the time?

Why do you feel the need to compare? Is it so you can be more informed as to whether you likely have ASC or not?

I’m not diagnosed yet but since it was first suggested to me I started to think about it. 

Because I’ve never really thought about it before. Or about body language. 

I’m quite ok with recognising facial expression in those facial expressions tests where you look for as long as you like at a bit exaggerated expression and have to pick the correct answer. But in real life nobody’s face is still for long enough and there are no answers to pick from.So I don’t notice anything apart from obvious (someone cries, yells or laughs). 

The rest is usually neutral so I really believe that most people are on neutral most of the time. I see they make some expressions but i categorise them as neutral.

I find it hard to believe that people have lots of emotions and expression constantly going through them. I’m mostly neutral. Or anxious. 

I’ve read Field Guide to Earthlings and I still can’t believe that people are behaving that way. And I don’t know if I behave similar way or different because I never felt or believed that my body language says something. Anything.

 I also have problem with recognising people’s faces out of context so maybe it’s part of the problem.

I’ve tried to watch YouTube videos on mute to pay more attention to body language and to facial expression but it didn’t help.

I was told I’m really hard to read even though I’m quite expressive. 

I really would like to know more about it and compare myself to others but I don’t have people I could compare with. And I don’t know really how to compare.