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Why do I struggle

Matthew

Here's the loop.

My wife gets stressed with son who potentially has PDA, she is fatigued and tired and is unsupported (her words) I try to look after kids as much as possible, but the mental load of kids health and home education falls on her shoulders.

I don't fill her cup there's no connection.

When were out she'll get stressed and overwhelmed with my son complaining he's bored or saying horrible stuff about his sister or hitting her.

I won't give my wife the empathy she needs, your life is hard it sucks, you don't get the support you need.

I take the logical approach at least to me, and ask her to walk away and take a break as I just want her to stop being angry at me and the kids and swearing at us.

Normally she finally blows when I say hey you dont want to do this , you wouldnt do this with your parents or someone else her.

Then she stomps off shouting  scarring the kids that she wont come back she's leaving that I must leave home, the kids are bursting into tears, I console the kids, eventually she comes back.

I get it she's stressed and impacts on me like a shark rolling its eyes back and biting you, there is no talking to her she's in flight or fight mode.

The only way that has any impact is just blaming me for everything and saying how unfair life is for her.

Whats going on what am i missing

  • in reply to Roswell

    Thanks for speaking up.

    She's massively unhappy and tired, needing some social catch up.

    She's permantly pissed at me, each say there are ups and downs I try to minimise talking to her when she's nipping and snipping but she will get annoyed that im not giving her empathy.

    Its exhausting,

    Yes there are times im tired and to be cristised and told your crap a lot wears me down, and I get it there are many things I do that cause issues because i do things differently to her or i impact on her.

  • From the way she's communicating so aggressively I think she needs talking therapy or some other kind of help. There may be things in her diet triggering more aggression if she's intolerant or allergic to some foods. Or sugar and caffeine can trigger bad mood swings. For some people, it's better to avoid them altogether. Perhaps she's not getting enough time around nature, in a garden or near trees or wildlife. She sounds extremely stressed out.