Morning everyone
Life is draining as I spend a lot of time judging whether to speak to my wife or what ill say if I do, how to respond without triggering her or impacting on her.
I work on small stuff like just cleaning tidying house without addressing the big issues with cat. Because the conflict is hard.
There's family dynamics how we effective each other parents kids I know understand this :)
Blame hmm, I know I impact on my wife and cause her triggers, I need to work on myself and switch on be present check tone of voice my energy, how I impact on her , be thoughtful think of her feeing’s make her feel wanted special desired and heard, whilst stop feeling attacked and hear her out when listening to her feelings which basically says ross u did this ross ur crap at this that, do something about it.
I spend lots of time trying not be frustrated angry and just listening, and choose carefully my reply by acknowledge and saying sorry even when I dont feel theres blame on me, I must learn that that doesn’t matter just her feelings of being hurt by me.
And this is hard Im not getting it right all the time.
I get it everybody likes being heard and not told to just get on with life, she doesn’t need fixing she needs to be heard and value, but how do i do this when i feel attacked?