Newly diagnosed adult

Hi Folks,

I was officially diagnosed with ASD a couple of weeks or so ago, at the age of 45. The clinician said it would have been called Asperger's in former times. The person most surprised by this diagnosis seems to have been my girlfriend, actually.

Thought I would introduce myself here, even if I'm not totally sure what I should be saying. 

I've known since at least my early teens I was somehow different, yet it's only in the last 6 months or so, i.e. a little before I was diagnosed, that I have felt sure that I know what it was that was making me feel this way.

I just feel like an alien visitor to this planet quite a lot of the time, especially with regard to social.

At school I was generally unpopular, and when I changed school for sixth form, I was probably the most hated person in the year. I just didn't know how to fit in. At uni, I was suicidal for a chunk of the time, especially when I saw my peers out having a ball, but I pulled through and eventually went on to do an MA. I sort of drifted into a solitary career, as I didn't know what else to do. 

Co-morbid with the ASD I have social anxiety and depression. I have always rather struggled socially, and I can't remember a time when I didn't feel depressed.

I've lived and worked in several different countries. My big passion in life is languages, to the extent that most of my work and leisure time are taken up with working with them or else at least thinking about them in some way. 

I was independent for a long time, but in more recent times I have become increasingly reliant on family assistance, as my freelancing business has declined. I'm very lucky to have their support. I feel ashamed about this situation, and am trying to retrain to do something completely different. But I fear my lack of self-confidence and social deficits may stand in the way.

I fear for the future and how I might cope in an office-type environment, as I am used to working alone for myself. I am aware of the oft-quoted high figure for how many people with ASD aren't able to hold down full-time office style jobs. 

I feel a failure of sorts and a burden on my family. Now and then I feel so disillusioned that I ideate about ending things. I also fear for the future because there will be no-one there during my old age. I have no money for a pension, either.

But a part of me has been relieved by the diagnosis. Now I no longer really feel I have to do things the way "neurotypicals" are expected to do, and I can just be myself, however weird that is!

Thanks for listening, anyway, and if anyone can relate to what I've written, please feel free to chime in :)

Parents
  • Diagnosed at 61, three years ago. Self-identified five years ago after a lifetime of knowing something wasn't entirely right, but having actually dismissed the idea of autism a few times in favour of something more like bipolarism or just depression. And even with that idea, no one else ever suggested I might need some sort of assessment. I even had to suffer the ignominy of an occupational therapist telling me that she knew what my problem was, but who then made no effort to actually inform me; the reason for that probably being that she was acting as a contractor to a government retraining scheme, but was only really obliged to prepare a routine report on me for the local organisers. I should really have pressurized her to tell me, but decided it might actually undermine my huge success in retraining.

    However, shortly after that rather demoralising incident, I decide that the UK seemed to have heard enough from me; which really only indicates that I had become a complete irrelevance to the doctrinaire regime of that time. Well, your specialty is something to do with languages, and i ended up in a remote country doing something with languages myself; despite my having no great aptitude for it. ( I reckon being on the spectrum has in some way interfered with my language listening ability.) My other three language skills are reasonable, but are of course still somewhat impacted by this (primary) deficit.

    Your issues with society education and career are also very familiar to myself. I eventually ended up doing a distance MA, but have never really been in a position to put any of it into real practice. I am a long-term resident in a country that doesn't really want to know anything at all about the spectrum in adults. And even when in the UK, most people would gladly still not want to know; so I almost completely given up on telling even apparently well-informed people. I decided to give up my existing career, as i thought it was keeping me on the wire, with nothing productive or satisfying to show for it. That seems to have been a good idea, as I am now able to get some new skills and experiences together for some sort of new career. I might have to do it online and or offshore, however. I really want to work again, although housekeeping does suit me quite well. Part-time, work at home and voluntary work are all possibilities.

    Life is fine really!. I always have had quite a capacity to bounce back and be flexible. but that really isn't what most employers really want. (I've been a freelance myself on several occasions.) I still get an almost daily rejection/acceptance cycle after three years, but there hasn't actually been an entire day since when I completely rejected the assessment. Lockdown does actually suit me quite well, but I do have an objective of  maintaining a few more friendships than previous. I haven't really had a local F2F friend for about 15 years. (It's not even as if I find conversation that difficult!) I guess that is partly because I have had to put up with quite a few unsavoury colleagues here. (That is not being over-dramatic. we are talking about truly toxic individuals here; on the most wanted list on a couple of occasions. One is in prison for the rest of his remaining days, and another died in prison.)

    So I basically also found it difficult to feel that life has been satisfactory; although I remain quite a humorous and flexible type. I have prepared for a pension, but can any of us be really sure we are actually going to get it after these last few dreadful decades. Thanks for listening. i obviously found a lot in your post I could relate too. But it looks like you are actually quite a resilient type yourself! ;-)

    PMs welcome. I could do with a bit more of a 'network'. I love the UK as a place. I find I can relate to most people there quite easily, but find the office politics of it all appallingly bad and decidedly undemocratic. You might say i am stuck in my country of residence. I again find most ordinary folk here quite easy to relate to, but find the economic, social and political scene extremely dreary and oppressive. I can at least afford to live here, but not with any great deal of good company. It's a rather boring society really, so I am forced to just keep on enjoying my rather solitary existence. There is a positive side to that!

Reply
  • Diagnosed at 61, three years ago. Self-identified five years ago after a lifetime of knowing something wasn't entirely right, but having actually dismissed the idea of autism a few times in favour of something more like bipolarism or just depression. And even with that idea, no one else ever suggested I might need some sort of assessment. I even had to suffer the ignominy of an occupational therapist telling me that she knew what my problem was, but who then made no effort to actually inform me; the reason for that probably being that she was acting as a contractor to a government retraining scheme, but was only really obliged to prepare a routine report on me for the local organisers. I should really have pressurized her to tell me, but decided it might actually undermine my huge success in retraining.

    However, shortly after that rather demoralising incident, I decide that the UK seemed to have heard enough from me; which really only indicates that I had become a complete irrelevance to the doctrinaire regime of that time. Well, your specialty is something to do with languages, and i ended up in a remote country doing something with languages myself; despite my having no great aptitude for it. ( I reckon being on the spectrum has in some way interfered with my language listening ability.) My other three language skills are reasonable, but are of course still somewhat impacted by this (primary) deficit.

    Your issues with society education and career are also very familiar to myself. I eventually ended up doing a distance MA, but have never really been in a position to put any of it into real practice. I am a long-term resident in a country that doesn't really want to know anything at all about the spectrum in adults. And even when in the UK, most people would gladly still not want to know; so I almost completely given up on telling even apparently well-informed people. I decided to give up my existing career, as i thought it was keeping me on the wire, with nothing productive or satisfying to show for it. That seems to have been a good idea, as I am now able to get some new skills and experiences together for some sort of new career. I might have to do it online and or offshore, however. I really want to work again, although housekeeping does suit me quite well. Part-time, work at home and voluntary work are all possibilities.

    Life is fine really!. I always have had quite a capacity to bounce back and be flexible. but that really isn't what most employers really want. (I've been a freelance myself on several occasions.) I still get an almost daily rejection/acceptance cycle after three years, but there hasn't actually been an entire day since when I completely rejected the assessment. Lockdown does actually suit me quite well, but I do have an objective of  maintaining a few more friendships than previous. I haven't really had a local F2F friend for about 15 years. (It's not even as if I find conversation that difficult!) I guess that is partly because I have had to put up with quite a few unsavoury colleagues here. (That is not being over-dramatic. we are talking about truly toxic individuals here; on the most wanted list on a couple of occasions. One is in prison for the rest of his remaining days, and another died in prison.)

    So I basically also found it difficult to feel that life has been satisfactory; although I remain quite a humorous and flexible type. I have prepared for a pension, but can any of us be really sure we are actually going to get it after these last few dreadful decades. Thanks for listening. i obviously found a lot in your post I could relate too. But it looks like you are actually quite a resilient type yourself! ;-)

    PMs welcome. I could do with a bit more of a 'network'. I love the UK as a place. I find I can relate to most people there quite easily, but find the office politics of it all appallingly bad and decidedly undemocratic. You might say i am stuck in my country of residence. I again find most ordinary folk here quite easy to relate to, but find the economic, social and political scene extremely dreary and oppressive. I can at least afford to live here, but not with any great deal of good company. It's a rather boring society really, so I am forced to just keep on enjoying my rather solitary existence. There is a positive side to that!

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