Not sure where to start, but I keep coming back to this question! I’m a 37yr old mum of four. 3 of my children are on the spectrum.
I advocate all the time for my children, and I completely get where they’re coming from when they find things difficult - the amount of professionals that have said to me ‘you have a really grea
nsight into their world’ - Not sure what to say to that as I just don’t get why it’s so hard for others not to understand!
Anyway, I’m waffling on now! Having 3 children on the spectrum has made me do a lot of self reflection as a parent & just as a person in general.
I’ve struggled with so much throughout the whole of my life, and it’s heartbreaking when I see my kids struggle with similar things... I never felt like I ‘fitted in’ as a kid socially (and I still don’t!), I struggle with various sensory things, I have always had severe anxiety (especially with the whole ‘being a perfectionist thing’ which is frustrating but something I just can’t seem to overcome!).
I’m massively empathetic (too much!) but at the same time I can emotionally just ‘switch off & move on’ - I never maintain friendships long term - I end up distancing myself as I just feel so uncomfortable all the time, if I move house / jobs etc then I just go and don’t bother with people from that part of my ‘old life’.
I hate mess, yet I live in chaos!! Just can’t seem to be able to get on top of things. I CANNOT learn things I don’t like! Literally feels like my brain just shuts down and no matter how much I try - I can’t focus & it’s like someone is talking a different language that I just don’t understand. On the other hand, with things I do have an interest in - I can be reAlly knowledgable, learn and do well in. This is at a big cost though - mentally! Sometimes, depending on how things are written out or explained, it can take me hours, days, weeks or months to be able to get it, but it’s like I can’t just leave it because I’m so determined to find a way to be able to ‘get it’. This is extremely stressful!!
As you can see from this post, I find it very hard, to summarise things when I’m explaining things. I can do it - but it takes me a lot of time & mental effort (and people still say I talk / write too much when I’ve tried my best to shorten things!).
I HATE eye contact!! I can and do do it, but it’s horrible! I can’t stand it and don’t know how well I actually manage to do it.
Not sure whether I should be asking for an asd assessment for myself or not - but I see so many things in myself that I see in my kids and it’s a question that keeps hanging over me.
I don’t know how I would even ask - because I know how good I am at hiding all of the above (well I thinkI’m good at it anyway) and worry he doc will just dismiss it and then I’ll feel stupid.
