Hello, nice to meet you all, I'm Alice, I'm in my twenties, and while I haven't been diagnosed I wanted to come on here and see if I could gain a better understanding of myself and whether I am on the spectrum or not. Throughout my life, from early childhood, I've seriously struggled socially - not being able to read people most of the time, having difficulty making and maintaining friendships, preferring my own company most of the time, etc. I've always felt different and never fitted in. I was bullied intensely throughout school, had no friends through most of it, and I consistently spent a lot of time on my own, without anyone really forcing me to. Even as a toddler, I would isolate myself from other children and play on my own despite the presence of other children to play with. I read a lot of books as a child as well, and was excellent at English but terrible or middling at almost all other subjects.
So, without further ado, here's a list of things I've noticed over the course of my life that suggest to me that I may be on the spectrum:
- Perfectionism - example being painting. When I used to paint things, I'd focus on one area or one tiny detail and apply excessive detail to it, leaving me too exhausted to complete the rest of the painting. In school, teachers would always comment on my perfectionism to my parents.
- Social Anxiety - becoming very anxious when I go out for social events. I push myself to go out and engage with people in the hope that I'll grow and learn how to socialise better.
- Becoming quickly overwhelmed and "shutting down" in group social situations and becoming non-verbal and unable to participate. I tend to just sit still, looking down or staring into space.
- Engaging in the same routine every day, and becoming really anxious when the routine is broken. So for example, when I stopped working I got really depressed and anxious for a while. Another possible example is that almost every day I get up and do the same things without really thinking about it.
- Difficulty getting words out and putting sentences together verbally. This varies, sometimes I can do it sometimes I can't or I struggle.
- Sometimes misunderstanding - or not understanding at all - social rules, examples being speaking out of turn, speaking over people, not being able to judge when I can actually speak in a conversation (almost exclusively in groups).
- Saying "the wrong thing" and the fear of saying the wrong thing. Saying something rude without meaning to be rude.
- Almost obsessive knowledge of a small number of special subjects.
Please let me know what you think!
