My help hasnt been that positive an experience either. I constantly feel like people are belittling me, it is almost like asking for help from a lecturer and being told "we have too many dyslexics to explain this to you". I will begin with how it went after I had been diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome about a year ago(or similar time line). I was diagnosed late as the schools were too busy sending the bullied to anger management, and the bullies on weekend trips, funded by the schools.
The very person who was required to put through reports to help me get a therapist, later turned around and accused me of hacking the educational facility, simply because the administration staff(Whom I thank dearly for having helped me countless times when in desperation) helped me book rooms when they had failed countless times. This showed incompetence, as well as stereotyping. The stereotype of someone with aspergers is currently matching Gary Mckinnon, someone who has aspergers but no clue about ethics. This was clearly just to pre-mentioned stereotype as I had not said any word with connotations towards such acts. The reason this was so bad is due to the fact they called my mobile phone instead of emailing me, the night before an exam. This meant that it was not monitored, and I could not prove the topic of the conversation. This was clearly from malice, as if they wanted to receive some sort of confession, they would have used a media of communication which was logged so that it would not be 'hear-say'. Had I issues regarding the therapists I would have to have contacted this person. Not exactly peice of mind to move onwards.
Next was the first therapist, we will call her miss leafletBinder. Miss leafletBinder failed to understand anything I said. All she did was pick out any nouns, or stereotypical phrases, even if they were not even linked to what I was saying. Her next action was open her binder and say "I think I have a leaflet for x" where x is something completely unrelated to the issue at hand. The second meeting with her, most likely due to me asking her if she knew anything but how to hand out leaflets, was to introduce me to a new therapist. I was partly please of meetign the new therapist, as at least the new therapist did not carry a binder everywhere.
Now I think this is a good point to express that one of the comorbids of Aspergers includes extreme frustration and irritability of pointlessness. If you were to take 5 sentences, or slow your speech to 'clarify' then it will irritate me exponentially. The new therapist does this for every single meeting the entire time. They end up changing their sentence half way through, switchign around adjectives even to change the meaning of the sentence once I have already processed it.
Lets call this new therapist Technophobe. She started off fine. Just asking how things had been and suggesting courses of action for any issues that had arrisen in a professional manner. Then after not long she stopped listening. The issues were not re-occuring to have annoyed them, in fact I had began to open up after seeing them manage to deal with the other issues in appropriate manner. I told them I was stressed out and struggling to focus due to such, and had began drinking coffee to try and solve the issue. I also stated the ways it helped, and also the reasoning behind it working*. They pretty much brushed it to a side saying 'we will look at that next week, I will see what I can find online regarding it'.
Being experienced in computing, clearly my first line of action when an issue I cannot solve alone occurs is to research and scour forums for people who have overcome the issue and have detailed the sources that helped them. The stress was mostly caused by the intensity of work I had been given in a shrot time, and my lack of understanding of what was required by the lecturers**. By the next week, the work was handed in. Due to not having had the help I had to stay up for 3 days straight without sleep, even working in the toilet after too much caffeine. Yet I had went to speak to one of the lecturers, who had not given me work, he read them through with me putting them in terms I could understand.
So come next week, absolutely no stress, making any efforts in vain due to no way to test the ideology of techniques. Also all they said bubbled down to 'take it easy and take plenty breaks'. Breaks frustrate me, and taking it easy will stop me from getting a degree thanks. This made me completely lose faith in the idea of asking them for help on the main issue I have, anxiety. I don't think it is even recorded*** that I have anxiety issues. I decided at this point, as there was no where to turn, and due to the main 'condition', I felt it was impossible to express any of this socialy due to mild social anxiety, which is getting worse every week because of not having any help.
I gave them the benefit of the doubt, as it is all I could do. Also there is no way in which I could contact the managers etc, as I always feel like the therapists are trying to say 'theres nothing wrong with you anyway' every 5 minutes... even though I was formally diagnosed, after being told by someoe who knows me better than I know my self to get checked for it. So it would be impossible to try to explain to the therapist any of this, also impossible to ask someone else to tell them.
So far we have lack of help at all, now for the interesting part. After I had taken some exams and a family member was diagnosed with heart issues, I was asked about how I think I did. I said I did not know and do not like talking about it as discussing something that stresses me out will not be useful when I need to wait a month for the resutls, minimum. They pressed on asking a total of 5 times before understanding, that the reason I repeated myself about nto liking it every time, and explicitly stating I did not wish to discuss it. They got the idea, until the next meeting.
They then attempt to arrange a meeting between me and another client so I can give them some support on how to get passed bullying, as I was also a victim at his age. I am happy with that, a new freind, who would actually understand what I am going through, perfect. Now let us burst that bubble, they forgot to mention that the other client was too nervous to meet new people. This would be ok, had she tried to arrange it in a quiet place that is usually empty, like a small cafe in a small town that barely anyone goes to. Yet instead they want the meeting to be in a busy bar that serves meals, between 1pm and 2pm. I told them the closest I would agree to is a coffee shop so I can have caffeine to deal with the crowds. Yet alas, he is busy apart from one specific time, during which I am in class. When she has a copy of my timetable, and should also have his so she can plan out the meeting times in advance.
Now we meet in a coffee shop, I take my girlfreind to help me cope better because I was nervous, and also took my macbook air to retreat into when I got anxious. Now a few weeks previous I specify that a member of my family has a heart condition that they cannot diagnose due to the poor testing methods, even when told multiple times. I specify it is private to the point I do not want it on record... yet she feels welcome to talk about it publicly in a busy coffee shop when I was clearly already anxious as she had needed to get my girlfreind to get my attention due to me having retreated to my macbook to program.
Due to the above I do nto feel like actually telling them anything important, as it will be publicly available. It is to the point I have began to develop some OCD about my teeth that I am always worried of them falling out, and think that the gum is receding, even though my girlfreind pointed out there is absolutely no change.
I am currently weighing up my options of going to see the first person mentioned's peer, who has equal authority, but due to the second therapist having a freindly personality I can not say wrong about them without stating their personality is good, kind of making every point I make sound void. Further, they will assume I am crying for attention and state that it is all nothing, as I find most people who are not on the spectrum hear what they want to hear, to the point unless you shock them then you are ignored.
What a fucking mess!
Should I, or should I not, go to the first person's peer?
Going to see my best freind tonight to discuss it to get his opinion on what to do as he has aspergers as well.
The very person who was required to put through reports to help me get a therapist, later turned around and accused me of hacking the educational facility, simply because the administration staff(Whom I thank dearly for having helped me countless times when in desperation) helped me book rooms when they had failed countless times. This showed incompetence, as well as stereotyping. The stereotype of someone with aspergers is currently matching Gary Mckinnon, someone who has aspergers but no clue about ethics. This was clearly just to pre-mentioned stereotype as I had not said any word with connotations towards such acts. The reason this was so bad is due to the fact they called my mobile phone instead of emailing me, the night before an exam. This meant that it was not monitored, and I could not prove the topic of the conversation. This was clearly from malice, as if they wanted to receive some sort of confession, they would have used a media of communication which was logged so that it would not be 'hear-say'. Had I issues regarding the therapists I would have to have contacted this person. Not exactly peice of mind to move onwards.
Next was the first therapist, we will call her miss leafletBinder. Miss leafletBinder failed to understand anything I said. All she did was pick out any nouns, or stereotypical phrases, even if they were not even linked to what I was saying. Her next action was open her binder and say "I think I have a leaflet for x" where x is something completely unrelated to the issue at hand. The second meeting with her, most likely due to me asking her if she knew anything but how to hand out leaflets, was to introduce me to a new therapist. I was partly please of meetign the new therapist, as at least the new therapist did not carry a binder everywhere.
Now I think this is a good point to express that one of the comorbids of Aspergers includes extreme frustration and irritability of pointlessness. If you were to take 5 sentences, or slow your speech to 'clarify' then it will irritate me exponentially. The new therapist does this for every single meeting the entire time. They end up changing their sentence half way through, switchign around adjectives even to change the meaning of the sentence once I have already processed it.
Lets call this new therapist Technophobe. She started off fine. Just asking how things had been and suggesting courses of action for any issues that had arrisen in a professional manner. Then after not long she stopped listening. The issues were not re-occuring to have annoyed them, in fact I had began to open up after seeing them manage to deal with the other issues in appropriate manner. I told them I was stressed out and struggling to focus due to such, and had began drinking coffee to try and solve the issue. I also stated the ways it helped, and also the reasoning behind it working*. They pretty much brushed it to a side saying 'we will look at that next week, I will see what I can find online regarding it'.
Being experienced in computing, clearly my first line of action when an issue I cannot solve alone occurs is to research and scour forums for people who have overcome the issue and have detailed the sources that helped them. The stress was mostly caused by the intensity of work I had been given in a shrot time, and my lack of understanding of what was required by the lecturers**. By the next week, the work was handed in. Due to not having had the help I had to stay up for 3 days straight without sleep, even working in the toilet after too much caffeine. Yet I had went to speak to one of the lecturers, who had not given me work, he read them through with me putting them in terms I could understand.
So come next week, absolutely no stress, making any efforts in vain due to no way to test the ideology of techniques. Also all they said bubbled down to 'take it easy and take plenty breaks'. Breaks frustrate me, and taking it easy will stop me from getting a degree thanks. This made me completely lose faith in the idea of asking them for help on the main issue I have, anxiety. I don't think it is even recorded*** that I have anxiety issues. I decided at this point, as there was no where to turn, and due to the main 'condition', I felt it was impossible to express any of this socialy due to mild social anxiety, which is getting worse every week because of not having any help.
I gave them the benefit of the doubt, as it is all I could do. Also there is no way in which I could contact the managers etc, as I always feel like the therapists are trying to say 'theres nothing wrong with you anyway' every 5 minutes... even though I was formally diagnosed, after being told by someoe who knows me better than I know my self to get checked for it. So it would be impossible to try to explain to the therapist any of this, also impossible to ask someone else to tell them.
So far we have lack of help at all, now for the interesting part. After I had taken some exams and a family member was diagnosed with heart issues, I was asked about how I think I did. I said I did not know and do not like talking about it as discussing something that stresses me out will not be useful when I need to wait a month for the resutls, minimum. They pressed on asking a total of 5 times before understanding, that the reason I repeated myself about nto liking it every time, and explicitly stating I did not wish to discuss it. They got the idea, until the next meeting.
They then attempt to arrange a meeting between me and another client so I can give them some support on how to get passed bullying, as I was also a victim at his age. I am happy with that, a new freind, who would actually understand what I am going through, perfect. Now let us burst that bubble, they forgot to mention that the other client was too nervous to meet new people. This would be ok, had she tried to arrange it in a quiet place that is usually empty, like a small cafe in a small town that barely anyone goes to. Yet instead they want the meeting to be in a busy bar that serves meals, between 1pm and 2pm. I told them the closest I would agree to is a coffee shop so I can have caffeine to deal with the crowds. Yet alas, he is busy apart from one specific time, during which I am in class. When she has a copy of my timetable, and should also have his so she can plan out the meeting times in advance.
Now we meet in a coffee shop, I take my girlfreind to help me cope better because I was nervous, and also took my macbook air to retreat into when I got anxious. Now a few weeks previous I specify that a member of my family has a heart condition that they cannot diagnose due to the poor testing methods, even when told multiple times. I specify it is private to the point I do not want it on record... yet she feels welcome to talk about it publicly in a busy coffee shop when I was clearly already anxious as she had needed to get my girlfreind to get my attention due to me having retreated to my macbook to program.
Due to the above I do nto feel like actually telling them anything important, as it will be publicly available. It is to the point I have began to develop some OCD about my teeth that I am always worried of them falling out, and think that the gum is receding, even though my girlfreind pointed out there is absolutely no change.
I am currently weighing up my options of going to see the first person mentioned's peer, who has equal authority, but due to the second therapist having a freindly personality I can not say wrong about them without stating their personality is good, kind of making every point I make sound void. Further, they will assume I am crying for attention and state that it is all nothing, as I find most people who are not on the spectrum hear what they want to hear, to the point unless you shock them then you are ignored.
What a fucking mess!
Should I, or should I not, go to the first person's peer?
Going to see my best freind tonight to discuss it to get his opinion on what to do as he has aspergers as well.
* Caffeine allows me to deal with changes to routine by making it appear to have been more gradual than it is, also by giving me energy to avoid feeling so stressed out and tired.
** I cannot read anything with tones, as I will take everything as offensive sarcastic, or plain literal, due to having minor paranoia I always see it as the negative.
*** Signs of anxiety in people with aspergers are almost impossible to spot unless you are a specialist.
