• Replies 12 replies
  • Subscribers 84 subscribers
  • Views 4006 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

COVID shopping with partner

NAS67323

Hi Guys,

My partner (23 years old) has High functioning autism, I’m his full time Carer in the sense I cook, clean, remind him of appointments, support him in everyday decision making etc. During the lockdown we’ve had at least 3 encounters in supermarkets with the staff either saying we can’t go in together or have to stay 2 metres apart even though we live together. 
I can’t leave him in the car in case he has a meltdown or needs me, and he can’t go into the shops by himself without having someone there I.e. me, to hold his hand, comfort and reassure him and help him shop with me so he’s being independent and integrated into regular society.

The issue I’ve had is I’ve been asked multiple times to provide proof of being his Carer so we’re allowed to go into shops together during lockdown, however there isn’t a national identification scheme for unpaid Carers. I don’t get Carers allowance currently as it’s still in the application phase so I’m unsure what to do. 
When we get asked before we go into shops for one of us to stay in the car and then can’t provide ID, they’ve told us to stay two metres apart in the shops which completely goes against the support my partner needs and the routine we’re in with shopping. 
A few weeks ago we were in a *frozen food* store and one of the colleagues was really confrontational towards my partner and I about us being together which caused my partner to have a meltdown in the shop and needed more support, all because I couldn’t provide ID that I was his Carer.

I’m really stuck with what to do?

Does anyone know where I can get an ID card that will be accepted?

Has anyone else been in a similar situation during COVID?

Thank you guys!

  • in reply to NAS67336

    hey again please try to avoid Aldi and Lidl. 

    Tesco and Asda has been good 

  • hey, hope you are doing well. 

    https://www.accesscard.org.uk/carer-card/carer-card-application/  I hope this helps fingers crossed!!

    I am sorry this has happened to you, as this has happened to me when I am out with my carers. It is completely unacceptable for supermarket staff to do this, especially when they can see your partner is in distress. Please try the link above and see if it will help, you will have to pay £5 and I hope this is okay. Try to do an online click and collect slot if going out is too much, if not try to go during the quieter times of the store (check online for quietest times) as the staff will be less likely to question or stop you. 

  • in reply to NAS67323

    Then that's disgusting.    Anyone accompanying someone with hidden disabilities is clearly their carer.    Would they dare question someone pushing a wheelchair?       I hope you get some kind of proper redress from them.

  • in reply to NAS67323

    You shouldn't have to prove your a carer, a carer can be anyone, a friend, relative, paid or unpaid. It is literally anyone who is able to provide support as and when needed. Needing a carer only means that you need someone with you for whatever reason. It's disgusting that they asked for proof of a carer, if you can prove he needs someone that is good enough, or else it's discrimination! I would complain, but then I'm like that, I don't like seeing people wronged x

  • in reply to Robert124

    Thank you for this! It’s nice to have some support and understanding too! I think there is a huge issue with ignorance which is really sad as my partner doesn’t ‘look’ disabled or Autistic (whatever that ‘looks like’ anyway) so we seem to get challenged a lot..

  • in reply to Plastic

    Hey, yeah my partner does have one and displays it when we’re out, the store in question recognised it but said it’s me that needs proof of being a Carer unfortunately 

  • in reply to NAS61718

    My partner has a DID card which he carries around with him as well as a sunflower lanyard which they recognised, the issue wasn’t with proving his disability it was the fact the store wouldn’t let me go in with him as I couldn’t prove I was a Carer. 

    The real issue is the fact that I should have to prove it which is why We’re having such a hard time at the moment,

    thank you so much for your reply!

  • We live in strange times and people are being really funny about it, the 'funny' is not of the ha ha type.  I predict things will get better soon, just hang in there.

    Writing about your experiences on a social website like this has the advantage of relieving your stress and sense of isolation and frustration with life.

  • Has your partner got the Sunflower Lanyard?     It's the universal signifier of hidden disabilities and the staff will know about this.     The supermarkets know all about it and will know not to hassle you if you're being a carer.    I think some supermarkets will give one to you.     It's also good for airports and many other interactive places where you might be questioned - and it's really useful.  

    https://hiddendisabilitiesstore.com/

  • Hi I can see this’ is difficult. Have you thought of looking online for a local carers support group? They are usually the experts on this sort of thing and I am sure they could give you the right advice. They know the law regarding your rights etc and must have had other people ask this question during lockdown by now. I hope you find a solution.

  • This is truly shocking to here, all of the guidance states that if your in the same household you do not need to be 2meters away, u less your one of the "vulnerable". I understand that they prefer singletons to go in, but they cannot seriously or legally challenge your explanation and reasons for requiring both of you to enter together.

    Have you heard of the "Disability Identity Card" it may help with quickly proving your partner has a Disability and requires your support. Although I am wholly against having to prove your disabled, I am aware that today's society sometimes demands it :(

    I am sorry I cannot offer much more help, good luck, I really hope you are able to find away around these difficulties.

    X