Struggling to cope with boyfriend's behaviour

You are experiencing the problem of us masking - we have a fake 'acceptable' persona which allows us to interact with NTs and the daily social nightmare that shields the real us from the chaos and confusion of interacting with NTs.     We get confused, stressed and annoyed by their randomness and chaotic behaviours and demands that we cannot understand and their motivations are a mystery - so we take all that stress on-board and it fries our brains trying to figure out what the hell is really going on - and did people mean what they said and what was the hidden game that we didn't spot.    This brings our stress levels up to about 99% if we manage not to melt down with it all.   Unfortunately, we're programmed to 'be good' in company or at school or work so we hold it all in until we get to a safe place to explode.

Unfortunately, our mask looks exactly the same from the outside - we look fine, we appear fine, we behave exactly the same - but we're close to the edge internally.

In this situation, if you put even the slightest additional stress on us, that 1% pushes us over the top so, unfortunately, you get the full blast of the 100% as we vent all the internal stress.   During this venting, we can say the most horrible things that we don't really mean but we can't take back.

One way of safely venting the stress is doing something that we like or can completely control to our satisfaction - like model trains or playing with Lego or gaming.    it's a little world of calm predictability.     

What does he like?   It might be something like visiting a museum where we can get a techy-fix or a picnic in the woods or knitting. 

Additionally if he's undergoing a period of extreme stress, he may have difficulty in knowing which way is up so he might be quite unpredictable.      You need to measure this and decide if he will be able to cope in future as life invariably gets more complex as time goes by.     The pressures of mortgages, careers, marriages, kids, getting older, retirement planning etc. all can be very stressful and our ability to deal with the stress is better when we're young and seems to diminish as we get older.    This is evident as older people suddenly finding that they can't cope and being diagnosed as autistic.    They've lived their lives fitting in until they reach their limit of masking.

You might need to do a lot of evaluation of him and try talking to him about his own thoughts about stress handling and see if he understands his own behaviours.     You might be able to come up with a system that works to help him function and de-stress in a more practical way.

You are experiencing the problem of us masking - we have a fake 'acceptable' persona which allows us to interact with NTs and the daily social nightmare that shields the real us from the chaos and confusion of interacting with NTs.     We get confused, stressed and annoyed by their randomness and chaotic behaviours and demands that we cannot understand and their motivations are a mystery - so we take all that stress on-board and it fries our brains trying to figure out what the hell is really going on - and did people mean what they said and what was the hidden game that we didn't spot.    This brings our stress levels up to about 99% if we manage not to melt down with it all.   Unfortunately, we're programmed to 'be good' in company or at school or work so we hold it all in until we get to a safe place to explode.

Unfortunately, our mask looks exactly the same from the outside - we look fine, we appear fine, we behave exactly the same - but we're close to the edge internally.

In this situation, if you put even the slightest additional stress on us, that 1% pushes us over the top so, unfortunately, you get the full blast of the 100% as we vent all the internal stress.   During this venting, we can say the most horrible things that we don't really mean but we can't take back.

One way of safely venting the stress is doing something that we like or can completely control to our satisfaction - like model trains or playing with Lego or gaming.    it's a little world of calm predictability.     

What does he like?   It might be something like visiting a museum where we can get a techy-fix or a picnic in the woods or knitting. 

Additionally if he's undergoing a period of extreme stress, he may have difficulty in knowing which way is up so he might be quite unpredictable.      You need to measure this and decide if he will be able to cope in future as life invariably gets more complex as time goes by.     The pressures of mortgages, careers, marriages, kids, getting older, retirement planning etc. all can be very stressful and our ability to deal with the stress is better when we're young and seems to diminish as we get older.    This is evident as older people suddenly finding that they can't cope and being diagnosed as autistic.    They've lived their lives fitting in until they reach their limit of masking.

You might need to do a lot of evaluation of him and try talking to him about his own thoughts about stress handling and see if he understands his own behaviours.     You might be able to come up with a system that works to help him function and de-stress in a more practical way.